Bill Phillip's | Transformation

Looking back

At the peak of 2009, looking back down the trail I have traveled so far, I just wanted to reflect a bit on what it took to get here, and the web of good intentions and love that have played such a big part in that: 

There’s no one point I can look at in this year passed and say, without this I wouldn’t be here. There are so many amazing opportunities that have popped up for me this year. First I resolved at the beginning of this year to make a lasting change in my health and life, though my vision was not clear. Then I found Transformation.com and immediately realized that the keys to clarifying that vision were right there in front of me. I found hope when I stopped by peoples profiles or watched videos of people who had been and were making changes that I would have never thought possible. I remember stopping by Shane’s profile and watching his video and thinking, “If he can do it, I can do it!” I remember hearing about Spencer on the radio, and going through his profile and saying, “This guy knows how to succeed, and he’s doing it right now, right before our eyes, and he’s leaving an excellent trail of low-carb bread crumbs for us to follow.” I remember Joe stopping by my profile, and inviting me into his group where I met some of the most amazing people I will ever know, and created some life-long close relationships. Each step of the way in that group, we checked up on eachother and shared inspiration, trials, slips, victories, and advice. Group participation served in so many ways, on of the least of which… it filled the time that I would have otherwise mindlessly watched television or surfed the internet – wasting time. Group participation was so much more than that… it provided the bodega atmosphere that I so appreciated, it was there that I started to feel comfortable coming out of my shell, a shell that I’ve carried on my back for most of my life, which hardened like marble over the previous 5 years. That group provided an atmosphere that I used to heal and start to end a very long period of depression. In that group, I was inspired to take each assignment on… I could have whipped out a page or two on each step without batting an eye… I usually know the ‘right answer’ in my head… But I challenged myself to look deeper and find out what was really true for me. Just knowing the right answer… but not living by it… there’s got to be something else to it. Why? I asked myself that question over and over. I dug as deep as possible. I ignored the fear of finding out ugly truths. I knew that unless I stopped kidding myself about what was going on deep down, I would not, or could not fix it. I was done with my previous life… I’ve spent a lot of time finding out exactly what it was for me that turned the “I’m done” switch.  It was my time, and I was ready. We all have a journey, and when we get to that point… we just know. I don’t think you can force that. I poured over where I was at the start, and what I really wanted. I knew that in order for this to be what it needed to be for me, a complete transformation… irreversible, I needed a purpose that struck chords so deep that tears would fill my eyes every time I read it. I found that purpose, it wasn’t about my physique… our bodies are just physical representations of something so much more. By making that ‘so much more’ healthy for the first time that I can remember, I truly believed my body would follow. So I enjoyed the workouts, and worked with visualization and nutrition to create a fulfilling and grounding experience with each meal. I was taking in more than nutrients. And then the real work commenced. I paid close attention to my body, it was telling me more than I was normally aware of, it told me about stress, and pain, and what it was that I had been numb to for so many years: I’m a father… and I wasn’t being a good one, not at all… I wasn’t even there. I was hiding in pity and pain. That brings me to the closest thing that I can put my finger on as a pivotal point in my transformation so far… I made the call, I faced my biggest fear, I let go of things I was holding onto that were keeping me locked down. I let go of guilt, and self-pity, and anger, and should, and control. I found God in my life, and I let him have it all. From there, humility started to come easy… and in humility my best work has been accomplished. At that point, the hard work started to become in so many ways, it’s own reward. It’s been an avalanche of reward ever since. So I guess that’s where I’ll stop for now, that really only covers the first couple months of my transformation… but they definitely were the biggest steps so far.