Bill Phillip's | Transformation

WHY I BELIEVE Chapter 3

It's 11:00 pm September 7.  To recap a few things for any new readers and returning visitors.  As I stated in chapter 1 I have felt led to share my testimony since I have come to know Christ.  I started in 1998 and discussed the year before I came to know Him so you would see how He placed people in my life and how they came to influence and shape mine.  I discussed an individual who was confined to a wheel chair and how we came to be friends.  I've had some people tell me here that what I did for him was nice and special but please understand I told that story not to tell what I did but I wanted to show how the Lord BLESSED me with being a part of this man's life.  I appreciate your kind words but I wanted to show how through my interaction with him I ruptured a disk. That thing which caused so much pain became something that the Lord used in my life for a blessing.  I am going to attempt to share the large and small miracles the Lord has performed in my life that they may bless another.  As you continue to read WHY I BELIEVE you will see I truly believe God is in the small, intimate details of our lives.  He places people in our life and he does arrange circumstances for us. When I first came to know Him I knew He was working in my life and leading me to do certain things.  I see it may take days and even years until I can witness how He puts it all together.  I like to look at my life like this.  I picture me walking behind Jesus and I concentrate on watching His feet.  I just follow in his footsteps AT HIS PACE.  At anytime I can stop and turn around and look at where I have been.  I can see so clearly where I started and all the places I have visited and why I went there.  I can see the trials and tribulations I suffered early in the journey and how they were used to make me who He wants me to be.  I can see peolple I have met and how He placed them there for my good and His glory.  I also see people and places that I do not know the role they play in my life, but I know they are there for a reason.  He just hasn't taken me to that place yet.  He allows me to turn and see where I 've been anytime I want.  And He waits patiently.  When we turn to continue our walk I'm not sure where we are going but He knows. When I'm impatient and want to lead or take my eyes from His feet and leave the path He's following, that's when I loose my way.  That's when my life has no meaning and I feel lost.  

I left part 2 where I gave my life to the Lord.  This was January 2, 2000.  I still hurt very much and my pain actually got worse.  I had a job where I supervised people and as I stated before I did my work in the floor.  Some close friends got a kick out of this sight.  Me in the floor with a phone and paper stacked beside me.  I'm sure most lpeople eft my office shaking their head in disbelief.  I just couldn't see them...I was staring at the ceiling....lol.  I hurt but I was happy.  I truly was very happy even with the pain.  I had Jesus in my life.

Four years earlier I became friends with an older gentleman who owned a couple radio stations.  He sold those to my employer and myself and I ran those along with my other job.  This gentleman had an office above the radio station and I had an apartment there.  He was about 25 years my senior but we were very good friends.  He was a great guy who was always positive.  He was very inspirational to me.  He and I would talk about many things and one of those things was religon.  He believed in the Bible and had great respect for it.  However he was like me in that he hadn't accepted Him as his Lord and Savior.  It was funny, we never really discussed that part of non accceptance but we both knew each was not accepted Christ.  When I gave my life to Jesus he was one of the first people I told.  I remember going to his office and sitting across from him at his desk and telling him what I did.  I remember the look on his face.  It was a look of man you did it! I can't belive it! Like I had walked a tightrope across Niagra Falls.  Like I won the lottery. He was so excited.  I remember him saying "tell me about it!"  "How did it happen?"  "What was it like?" I'll never forget.  I said, "ya know it was really easy.  It wasn't as hard as we made it out to be."  I said that hoping he would want to walk that tightrope too.  But he wasn't ready.  

My back continued to get worse.  I remember thinking this can't get any worse...but it did.  I finally decided that I could not go on like I was living.  I had to have this surgery.  i called the doctor and set up a Monday morning appointment for February 7, 2000.  He said we would discuss the surgery and do the hospital pre-op that day.  I was ready and gave my situation and this operation to the Lord.  Let me explain what I mean here.  Before I come to know Christ I would hear people say they've given this or that to the Lord and I didn't understand what they meant.   Before I knew Christ I had this pain, depression and confusion in my life.  I lived from moment to moment just coping or trying to cope. I didn't want to think of surgery because of fear, time, not getting better, I don't know why.  I just know my back pain consumed my life. Laying in pain and surgery was interchangeable.  Both things sounded bad to me.  I didn't see surgery as a means to get better, I just saw it as surgery.  I guess I just didn't see any further than that.  When Christ came into my life, my life changed.  That personal relationship that I had always heard of really exsisted.  You can feel His love and you know it's real.  When I decided to get this done I said Lord it's in your hands.  I do this for you.  Use me and this operation to glorify you.  The doctor says I will be out of work six to eight weeks but use me to show all that know I'm having this operation that you will have me up in a week or two.  I had no fear, no anxiety.  I was ready to get this done.

I met with the doctor early Monday morning on February 7.  He looked at my xrays and showed me the ruptured disk and why I was having pain and why it never left me.  He told me that I had a big nerve in my back and the material that had come out of the ruptured disk was pressing on this nerve.  Because of it's size this disk matter layed up against it all the time and that was why I was in constant pain.  He told me that because I was young, healthy and had a good attitude he saw no problems and in six to eight weeks I would be good as new.  I told him my plans were to be back to work in no more that two weeks.  He laughed and said that was okay with him but he had been involved with many  surgeries and it usually took longer than that.  He scheduled the surgery for 8:00 am Friday, February 11, 2000.   I left his office and slowly made my way to the hospital to get the pre-op work done.  I was set. As I got in my car to drive home I noticed for the first time my pain eased a little.  Thank you Lord I said. 

I got up Tuesday and actually felt a little better than the day before.  Not much but a little.  I welcomed any relief.  As the day went on the pain seemed to ease a little more.  By the afternoon I was wondering why for the first time in months I could sense some relief.  I called my doctor and told him I had gotten a little relief.  I asked him what should I do if I felt better on Friday.  I told him I wasn't changing my mind but did he recommend surgery if the pain eased off.  He laughed and said my back was like a car that wasn't running to good. When I pulled onto the mechanics lot it would run like a top, but as soon as I left it would start missing and sputtering.  But he told me this.  I don't want to operate unless you are 100% sure that's what you want to do.  I asked him about the MRI and the pre-op work.  I said how long is that good for.  He said it was good for six months but he assured me if I canceled the surgery the week I would be calling him right back because my pain was not going to leave.  But he said I had until 10:30 am Thursday (February 10) to decide.  I thought well I'm sure I will be hurting so I continued to make plans for surgery  on Friday.  

I got up Wednesday and felt better than the day before.  I thought to myself what's happening here.  Why am I feeling better now that I have my surgery set.  I don't want to think about this.  I went through the day and I just seemed to feel better.

I got up Thursday morning (February 10) and had no pain.  None.  I couldn't believe it.  You would think I would be pretty happy about this but it really made things very difficult.  You see I had surgery set for tomorrow morning, pre-op done, all my work was prepared to go home with me so I could work while I was off, and quite frankly I WAS READY TO HAVE THIS SURGERY.  I remember looking in the mirror after I had shaved and said Lord what's going on.  Tell me what I'm suppose to do.  I thought you wanted me to have this surgery. Now what am I suppose to do?  He told me nothing.

I came to work and my co-workers couldn't belive it.  They had seen me lay in the floor for months and had watched me suffer and now a day before I was to have surgery I come in like nothing is wrong at all.  I had no answer to give them.  I didn't understand either.  My pastor and friend worked for me in our security department.  It was about 9:00 am and I called him from upstairs and asked him to come to my office.  When he got there I displayed my new found health and asked him what he thought about this.  I asked him what I should do.  He said he couldn't tell me but the Lord would let me know.  I told him I had asked the Lord and He told me nothing.  He said you just pray and He will let you know.  I said well He better hurry because I have to tell the doctor in one hour and a half.  He left my office and I just sat at my desk....and prayed.  At 10:25 am my phone rang.  Honestly, it was 5 minutes before my 10:30 deadline.  On the other end of the phone was the older friend who had the office beside my apartment.  He loved to talk and every time he called me, which wasn't that often, we would talk for a while.  He new I was planning on surgery but we didn't talk everyday so he knew nothing of my situation.  He didn't know I was feeling better or when my surgery was.  He just called and when I answered he said "Greg, you got a pencil?  write this down I think you need this."  I sat there thinking what is he going to tell me. He then said "Isaiah 40:31".  "You got it?" I said yes and he hung up.  After trying to digest what had just happened I knew I needed to find a Bible.  I called my pastor friend downstairs and said, "Wayne you got a Bible?"  I heard him shuffling through some things and he said I thought I had a Bible here.  I said "Your're a preacher and you don't have a Bible!"  He then said I think I have an electronic Bible in the car.  I met him downstairs at his car with a little piece of paper in my hand with Isaiah 40:31 written on it.  He handed me the electronic Bible and I keyed in the verse. The first line came up and it said But they that wait upon the Lord and the second line said shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  That's what it said and it happened EXACTLY like that.  I walked back upstairs and called the doctor and canceled my surgery.  That was about eight and half years ago and I actually feel better now than I did before I ruptured the disk.  At that moment I understood what it meant to turn it over to the Lord. He took my situation and used it for His glory.  He took my pain and gave me a testimony to share with others.

Well it's 2:15 am and I'm done.    To be continued...........................It gets better