Bill Phillip's | Transformation

WHY I BELIEVE Chapter 9

Before I finish my story from Chapter 8,  I would like to address a question that was asked by a devotional I recently read.  It was this:  WHY DID GOD CREATE YOU?   The the following verse from the Bible followed:     1 John 1:3 from the Amplified version  What we have seen and (ourselves) heard, we are also telling you, so that you too may realize and enjoy fellowship as partners and partakers with us.  And (this) fellowship that we have (which is a distinguishing mark of Christians) is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ (the Messiah).  My King James version footnotes says of this verse that the fellowship John speaks of means sharing in personel knowledge of heartfelt obedience to God through Jesus Christ. As I read that explanation it struck me that that too was my purpose in writing this testimony.  I wanted to share the very personel role the Holy Spirit has played in my life and how this interaction has intensified as I have diligently sought His direction and listened to His instruction.  As one that might not believe or be a bit skeptical I would say I do understand,  that even in my life's journey over the last eight and half years I still have moments of anxiety and doubt and it's so easy to want to go back to reason and logic.  But as 2 Corinthians 5:2 says For we walk by faith, not by sight.  Some may say this walk by faith and not what's logical and reasonable is just wishful, fairytale thinking.  But as for my life this blind walk of faith has opened my eyes as I would never dream possible.  The things I have seen and experienced and the connection to others that believe and their similar experiences speak so much clearer than logic and reason.  1 Corinthians 1:27 says But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound (put to shame) the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.  If you choose to think logically, you ironically have to consider this verse from the Bible even if you don't believe in the Bible.  I ask that any that may read this know I too consider myself a very logical thinking person.  Not as smart or brilliant as many but still very logical and common sense driven in my thinking when it comes to things of this world.  But in the spiritual I have found that logic and reason cause confusion and answers and direction are given by heartfelt obediance to God through Jesus Christ.  Faith not sight.  My life these last few years is a testament to that.  And I know yours can be also.    

When I left Chapter 8 we were waitng on lab results from the samples taken from Tracy's lungs.  In the week awaiting the results we seemed to come to grips with what we would consider the worst and I tried to be as positive and hopeful as possible.  Tracy was much better than me, or at least on the outside. 

As we sat in his office the answer we so nervously waited on came quick and easy.  He walked in and said there was no sign of cancer.  Just like that.  Quick easy and done.  Just like pulling off a band-aid.  Though I loved the answer it just didn't seem to get the attention the week of worrying warranted.  But I thought it was the answer we wanted so let it be.  I then asked what about the chronic bronchitis?  What do we do here.  He didn't really address this.  He just told us this was all he could do for her and they may be lifestyle adjustments.  He said her lung capacity (or something like this) was good and that was all he really knew to do.  We left but I was not totally satisfied with his answers.  But as I thought of the many web sites I had poured over and they all said there was no cure for this.  We left somewhat happier but she was still sick, and seemed to be getting worse.  So for the next few days we held on to the fact it wasn't cancer.

Tracy did get worse.  I felt so helpless as I watched her struggle with the morning bouts of thick phlegm and muscus.  It would go on for up to an hour or more some mornings.   As the days passed her cough got worse and soon blood started to show in the phlegm.  And just as this started she started having pain in the left side of her chest and down her arm.  I called the doctor back and told him what was going on with her and that I had read on the internet that these were cancer signs.  I explained that since I had read this and she didn't have these symptoms when we were there earlier I thought he should know about them.  I asked him if the test could have been wrong.  He said that anything was possibe but not probable.  As I sat in silence wanting him to help us he said he could perform the bronchosopy again but he felt it was a waste of time.  I pressed and insisted the arm pain was coming from something.  I could hear the frustration in his voice as he said you can come back and I will refer her to an orthopedic doctor.  He just told me there was nothing more he could do or tell me.  I thanked him and decided we would just go to a local orthopedic doctor.  We made an appointment and we were waiting once again.

Once we saw this doctor I informed him of all she had been through and all I had read.  I impressed upon him the cancer symptoms I so knew by heart and how she seemed to have them all.  He said that was not causing her arm issues and I needed to stay off of the computer and sorta laughed.  I too laughed but it I also knew his diagonsis was not going to help her cough and breathing issues.  We left with still no answers or help.

As she grew worse she too went to these web sites and read of chronic bronchitis.  I knew this as she would repeat the same things I already knew but had not shared with her.  Each morning grew more tense as I helplessly watched her get worse and worse.  She finally told me to quit asking her how she was and she no longer wanted to discuss her condition again.  She said look, if I am to have this I am going to thank God and praise him and know that He can take this from me if that what He wishes for me, and if not that's okay too.  And that's what she did.  I would hear her as she struggled with clearing the phlegm from her throat praise the Lord and thank Him each time she did.  I didn't ask how she was anymore but I watched and listened...and prayed.

It was the first of January 2006.  Tracy had been fighting this for one year now and since July 2005 it just got worse and worse.  One evening while she and I were in our kitchen my son came in and spoke of the asthma his wife (then girlfriend) had and how she struggled with it.  He told us he told her just believe and expect to not have it (referring to giving it to Christ) and she wouldn't have it anymore.  The moment those worde left his lips I knew they were meant for us.  I looked at Tracy and she looked at me but we said nothing.  In fact we didn't mention it at all until three days later. 

The next morning there was no phlegm and no coughing.  There was none the next day or the next.  Neither of us discussed or said anything until the third morning.  I was in the kitchen fixing coffee and she was in the den in the next room when she said to me "You know I'm healed don't you?"  I said "Yes".  She said "You know when it happened don't you?"  I said "Yes". And I did know, we both knew.  We knew the moment it happened. That's been a little over 2 1/2 years ago and she hasn't had one problem since that day.  It left that quickly.  It left as quickly as we gave it to Christ. 

TO BE CONTINUED...............................................................................................>>>