Day 2

Today I am feeling overwhelmed with everything in my life...I made it pretty good through most of the day.

Breakfast: english muffin and PB, couple sips of coffee with half and half and sugar free syrup (I think I'll be able to quit coffee completely soon)

Snack: light string cheese and raspberries

Lunch: rotisserie chicken, raspberries, and diet soda

Snack: light string cheese and apple

Dinner: Went out to eat to make my husband happy to the "pub" (bar food+).  Ordered Hawaiian chicken melt: rye bread, marinated grilled chicken, pepper jack cheese, pineapple slices.  The rye bread was buttered and grilled.  I ate half the sandwich with the bread, and the other half I just ate the chicken and the pineapple.  I dipped it in a little sauce that was some sort of sweet/spicy/mustard kinda sauce, but I barely used any.  I ordered coleslaw instead of french fries (victory!), and only ate 3 bites of coleslaw...I don't really like coleslaw that much, and it was much easier to resist than french fries.  Even if I don't plan on eating the fries I will if they are on my plate.  It was a good decision to switch the side. Drank diet soda (I need to cut back the diet soda, but I didn't have wine...!)

Workout: I did NOT feel like working out...I worked all day, rode my horse after work, then worked on replacing a window in our horse trailer...then we went to dinner.  So the only time to fit my workout in was after we got home from dinner and by then it was almost 9pm.  Let me repeat, I did NOT feel like working out. At. All!  But I did it.  Tonight I did Surdey's Fitness Hard Plyo and Weight Circuit.  This workout kicks my butt every time!  I am going to say I gave my workout 95%. I rested a little more than ideal in between the moves, and I know I could have gone a little bit harder on a day when mentally I had that extra push...however, I am proud that I didn't quit!  I wanted to quit like 10 times, and it would be so easy to when I am working out at home, but I did the whole workout, as written. It is a HARD workout!  Right now I am using 20lbs for my heavy weights for most of the moves, and 15lbs for some of them.  Most hated move: Squat jumps with 20lb weights...ugh these are so killer and I feel like I can't breathe, not to mention how much my legs shake.  They were only jumps during the first round, round 2 & 3 it was just a deep squat... Most improved move: Around the world plank! I stayed on my toes for the whole thing tonight!  The tricep dips with a 20lb weight on my lap felt really good :)  I am proud that I can do the shoulder presses and some of the bicep curls with 20lb weights now!  My hurdle jumps over bench were way stronger, too!

Here is the workout:

A.      Hurdle jumps over bench- Put your hands on front of bench and jump over bench with both feet, over and back counts as one (or put your hands on seat of a chair and jump over something about 18” tall with both feet together)

B.      Lunge Jumps, right leg then left- Lunge down then explode up off ground holding heavy weights.  Keep same leg for 15 jumps then switch and do 15 with other leg

C.      Shoulder Presses, right arm then left- Do all right arm then all left arm with heavy weights

A.      Jump Ups- Jump up from seated on bench (or chair) holding heavy weights on shoulders

B.      Bicep Curls- Bicep curls with heavy weights, all right arm then all left arm

C.      Lunges- Lunge with back leg on bench (or chair) holding heavy weights, right leg then left

Group 3:

A.      Around the world plank- In plank position with your toes on bench (or bosu) walk your hands in a full circle to the right, then back in a full circle to the left.

B.      Squat Jumps- Do a deep squat then explode up off ground holding heavy weights on shoulders

C.      Tricep Dips- Do tricep dips with hands on chair with heavy weights in your lap

D.      Sit Ups- Sit up holding each end of a heavy weight in front of your chest

After my workout I had an emotional breakdown...I think it was coming on all day, and somehow working out just let it out.  I just feel like I am not truly living up to my potential...like I am not doing everything good enough, or just not doing enough at all.  I know I can be so much better than I am now, more productive, happier, healthier, but I haven't made all of the changes that I need to to be my "best self".  I started sobbing and had a really good cry.  I think tonight I realized that I still have a long way to go on my inner transformation...I am pretty good at faking it (even to myself), but deep down there are a lot of changes I know I need to make.  I have started these challenges before but never have been willing to do the assignments...I've read and re-read transformation, but didn't do the 18 steps...didn't participate in the community here...didn't really give it my all.  I am officially setting a new goal to complete the 18 transformation assignments during this challenge, and to put as much effort into the internal transformation as I am into the external transformation.