I love awareness. It may be slow to come to the surface, but in time, when we’re ready I suppose that awareness is gained, lessons are learned, growth occurs, that enables us to do and be more.
Last year was the hardest of my life, and I've been through a lot in my 41 years. I got my moms’ "fatal" diagnosis of her returning cancer and a plan for the next 2 years to go to chemo every Friday to manage it – not cure it. Taking care of her was my focus not my own personal grief – and that’s ok.
Helping others took the focus off the sadness, fear anger and resentment going on deep within me. But you have to be careful…..sometimes YOU get lost and fail to recognize your own needs. Last years lessons bring about this years goals and intentions – creating a healthy balance of caring for others and recognizing and honoring my own.
Even though my focus shifted to others, my sadness remained just buried inside me. My fear of my future with the separation and ending of my job was great (but I acted like it didn’t phase me) on top of my moms health and life hanging by a string.
I realize now I was NOT dealing with my own “stuff” – doing what I always had done and that’s shove it aside, stuff it deep, act strong, and not let it run its due course. Creating stress that I ignored. This year I will take that lesson and do better.
We are all a beautiful, imperfect work in progress ~ the journey continues!