Bill Phillip's | Transformation

Today was my fathers birthday.

My father was only 44 years old when he passed away, and his birthday was september 21:st. He died just right before he turned 45, and we held his funeral on his 45:th birthday. So september 21:st is both his birthday and his funeral-day. This was 24 years ago and I was only 16 years old. Six years later (on his birthday), I found out that I was pregnant, one year later we held our sons baptist-ceremony also on september 21:st. So now september 21:st is also a special day for my son.

But mostly it's my dads day. In my family we never talk about him, I've tried a few times, but they just change the subject and start talking about something else, I think it hurts to much for them. But for me, yes it hurts, but it hurts even more NOT to talk about him, and not talking about him feels to me, like kind of denying that he existed or that his life wasn't worth remembering. I know it's not like that for them and that they have their own reasons for not want to talk about him, and I'm not angry or blaming them for anything, this is just how it is.

But I want to talk about my father and I want to remember him. I want to talk with him and love him, still though he isn't here in his physical presence. So therefore I will celebrate and honor his life by sharing with you some things I loved about him:

He was really really, nice and kind.
He was very straight and honest, and true to his word.
He never said a mean word or lost his temper, not even when he was angry, (and I only saw him angry once that I can remember)
He read us looong bedtime stories (usually novels) almost every night when we were kids.
He always listened when you wanted to talk. And he always talked back to you like an equal, even when I was just a small child.
He became a doctor because he wanted to help people, and save lives.
He had a really really good and true heart!

Now when I'm a little bit older I can see how young he was when he passed away, he could have had so much more life, and I'm so sorry about that for him. And I'm so sorry about that I never get to spend any more time with him, and I'm so sorry about that he never saw what become of me and my siblings. And I'm so sorry about that he never met his grandson, I'm sure they would have loved each other.

But I'm so glad and proud about that he was my dad, and I'm so glad about that he was in my life for 16 years, and I'm so glad he was this beautiful person he was, and what he gave me by being who he was.

And I hope he knows how grateful I am about having him in my life, and that I love him and miss him.