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Day 10 - Feeling Shame
One of the first Transformation excercises Bill Phillips gave us was to take a picture of ourself, tape it to a piece of paper, then all around it we're to write how we feel. I wrote several comments: I felt heavy, slow, tired, ugly, unmotivted, trapped, sad...but perhaps most of all, I felt a deep sense of shame. I simply can't believe I've allowed myself to get as fat as I am. I really believe a lot of the problems I'm having in my life are directly traceble to my terrible physical condition...and that is something I have complete control of. I SM RESPONSIBLE.
WHen you have an addiction, they say you have to hit a "bottom" before you'll get really serious about making needed changes. I knew I was getting big, but I just kept telling myself that I was a big-boned guy who looked like an ex-NFL lineman. WHen I bitched about my weight to others, I actually had several well-meaning people tell me I looked great...and of course I believed them. No one told me the truth; that I was an obese tub of lard.
Well, I think I finally hit bottom when I saw my picture and when I heard the technician tell me by body fat percentage was a whopping 35%. One thing about finally admitting it and facing the problem is that ther eis a sense of relief. I'm no longer lying to myself. And that feels really good. Even though I'm only 10 days into this challenge, I feel much better spiritually just because I'm no longer lying to myself.
I'm still ashamed, but at least when I lay my head down at night I know I've done everything I can to improve myself. I ask God's forgiveness and I'm turning it over to Him.
I hope you are doing well on your journey...thanks for reading my blog.
Love and Peace
That's a great post Ted. The energy you were using to first lie to yourself, and are now using for shame is being converted into positive energy. You'll see, every day you'll feel better, physically, mentally, spiritually. You've started a great journey my man, keep up the good work. Beautiful profile picture by the way. Take Care
Hey Ted I was right there with you when I started this I wasn't fat I was big. At least my son who told me I was fat told me the truth. Look at me now! That was my start to. You are on the way! Marty
You are on the right track Ted! Taking responsibility and focusing on God--you can't beat that! :)
Thanks for sharing Ted! I can totally relate, I had rationalized away the way I looked in the mirror too, so my before pic was an eye-opener - especially the BACK view! Yikes!! Even though we haven't been at this long enough to see the changes yet, they ARE happening way down in the muscles and fibers, and in the heart and soul. I was ashamed too, but I'm not anymore. I used to be too embarrassed to work out in front of other people, but now I don't care. I figure if they're a good person, they are giving me "props" for doing something to improve my fitness. If they are thinking negative thoughts about me, they are stupid. I can't change the past, but I'm doing what I can now to change the future. That's the best we can do. Rock on Ted!!
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