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WHAT IS FORGIVENESS? HOW CAN IT SAVE YOUR LIFE?
(From Chapter 8 "The Big Forgive" of my 2010 book Transformation. ~Bill Phillips)
Forgiveness is a process of letting go of a resentment or grudge held against another person. “I forgive you” means “I release you.” By releasing someone, we in turn are liberated from the mental, emotional and spiritual injury caused by our own pent-up, negative energy.
The word ‘forgive’ implies, by its components, a kind of ‘giving.’ And that’s a very important point. You see, granting someone true forgiveness is not based on any conditions. The forgiven don’t have to deserve it or earn it. It’s an act of grace and mercy on your part.
Most of the world’s religions include teachings on forgiveness, especially the Abrahamic faiths (Christianity, Judaism, Islam). For example, in the sacred narratives of the New Testament, Jesus (taken literally or metaphorically) said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins.” (Mark 11:25-26 [NIV])
Philosophers throughout the ages have taken note of the importance of forgiveness, and some of history’s most thoughtful writers have recorded their insights as well. “To err is human; to forgive is divine,” wrote the eighteenth century English poet Alexander Pope.
In more recent times, particularly the last few years, the scientific community has recognized the ‘medicinal value’ of forgiveness. For example, in one study at Stanford University it was shown that adults between the ages 25-50 who had been hurt emotionally in the past by a significant event (divorce, fired from a job, infidelity of a spouse, injured by a reckless or drunk driver) experienced an average of a 40% reduction in depression and emotional pain after practicing a forgiveness exercise for just one week.
Additional health benefits from letting go of anger were reported in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, November 2009. A study involving 2,755 people, with an average age of 41, were evaluated over a period of 10 years. Those who repressed anger and held resentments were found to be TWICE AS LIKELY TO DIE OF A HEART ATTACK compared to people in the study who were able to process and let go of negative feelings. The take-home message from the findings of this scientific study is: FORGVING OTHERS AND RELEASING RESENTMENT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE, LITERALLY.
Another recent study at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, showed that merely holding the intention of forgiveness in mind has immediate effects on our health and energy levels. Researchers in this study attached sensors to a group of college-age students. They were asked to first relive a time in the past when they were hurt by someone. From there, they were directed to think about it in two different ways. One was to imagine getting revenge on the offender and punishing them.
The other was to imagine forgiving the person and releasing the anger associated with the incident. Their findings were very interesting. The students’ blood pressure and heart rate went up over 35% when they thought about acting out their revenge. When they considered forgiveness, they entered a healthy state of ‘coherence’ where they enjoyed a relaxed heart rate and optimal blood pressure.
Oftentimes people limit their capacity to forgive by thinking that if they don’t bring the offender to justice, nobody will. For me it’s helpful to understand that I’m not judge and jury of the universe. I have absolute faith that the Source of life itself has everything under its control, and this being the case, it presides over all cases of injustice. When I forgive, I envision removing a pocket of negative energy from my awareness and turning it over to the Divine so it can be done away with. I don’t picture delegating my grievance to a vengeful God with the expectation that it will 'kick ass' or punish the person for me.
Another factor which can contribute to a person’s unwillingness to forgive arises from a common misunderstanding, which involves applying laws of the physical world to spiritual matters. In the world of matter, if I have a dollar in my hand and I give it to you, then you have one and I have none. Spiritual economics works differently. If I give compassion and forgiveness to you, my currency doesn’t go down, it goes up. And if I resent you, my energy, or ‘soul voltage’ as I call it, diminishes.
This also means that the cynic who can lure you into hating them is taking your life currency and energy. The more we forgive, the more we care, the more ‘spiritually rich’ we become. Literally and metaphorically we profit by giving forgiveness away.
Of course, in the nonphysical realm currency isn’t counted in dollars, it’s measured in what we might call vibrant frequency or light, which is the gold standard. John 1:7 (NIV) indicates that light and Divinity are one and the same. Becoming "LIGHTER" is therefore more than a reference to just losing weight within the teachings of my Transformation process... it is perhaps the most important change we can make on every level of our being.
That's my 2 cents worth... that's how I see it. I could be wrong though... it wouldn't be the first time. =)
(Additional thoughts on Forgiveness added March 18, 2012 by Bill Phillips)
Here's another 2 Cents worth (we are up to 4 cents now in this blog =)
Human beings are always going to get sideways with each other from time to time... it's part of life... it's part of the human experience. We see the world so subjectively that it often isn't even possible to see past your own perspective so why even bother trying to prove who is wrong and who is right... nobody wins with chronic conflict. What helps me is to work at starting each day with a clean slate, not dragging any of the pain of the past into the present... as it would limit my future. I lose count of how many times each week I apologize each week and I forgive quickly and completely in most all cases. I have a vision, a dream, and goals that a very, very, very important to me.
Reaching these objectives is like climbing to the summit of a mountain. It's work... it takes all my focus and energy and skill. If I added any more baggage or weight in the form of resentment or guilt, I'd never reach the apex. For me, reaching my goals and moving in the direction of my dreams and vision is far more important than grinding an ax or plotting revenge. Life works well this way... at least it does for me... I have a ways to go, and I will keep working at it, but I aim to forgive fast, apologize a lot, and just let it go ASAP.
I am surprised at how often people chose the opposite... they hurt themselves the most when they refuse to apologize and forgive and when they hang on to grievances. I've seen people burn so many bridges and in effect ruin their lives over things that should have been processed and surrendered within a few days. I can't do that and reach my goals so I have to let it go and move on.
Resentments are kind of boring and painful... forgiveness is liberating and helps me move into an exciting future filled with positive energy and purpose... the decision to forgive and forget and move forward may not always be easy, but I promise it will always be worth it.
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Sometimes we must let go and move on. Even forgiving when the other part is not there is important. Some of us need to forgive people and problems at are so far in the past. We most stop dragging it around like an old toy that we can not let go of. You are stealing your own joy. Stop it!!! Free yourself. Let it go. It is hard but it feels really GOOD.
Another eye opener Article :) Thanks Bill
When I realized that I am always in 'lesson mode' during my earthly experience, it helped me to realize that any and all hurts I have ever experienced have been nothing more than 'catalysts' to help prompt my spiritual evolution. It's taken me awhile to really grasp the bigger and truer meaning with the concept of 'Forgive' however, I chose to consciously release and let go on a daily basis now..... continually bursting any dark bubbles of negative karmic energy that holds me in its pattern. Truly, there is nothing that anyone can really do to me or against me without me actually allowing it................quite paradoxal, I know but at the end of the day, I am the holder of all the power and it serves my higer purpose to remain faithful in my devotion to show up each day with a loving heart and with open arms to anyone who cares to be enfolded into them. Keep shining your brilliant light, Bill...............you continue to radiate my life with the healthy perspectives of your own! x0x0x0x0x
This is an area I have struggled with for years. Forgiveness is so easy for me when the person that hurts you recognizes and apologizes. When the person who hurts you continues with the same actions for years and does not care and refuses to ever apologize, that is what I struggle with. Forgiving on your own without the other person asking is a difficult challenge - especially if that person has caused emotional or physical damage to you or your children. One thing that I have learned to cope with this is recognizing what I have done wrong instead of blaming the situations 100% on the other party, I was in an abusive marriage, I blame myself to a certain degree because I remained in that situation instead of taking control of my own life and seeking the help I needed to remove my children and myself from that situation. Another thing that has helped is learning why people react in negative ways - there is usually a reason, whether it be life experience or a chemical imbalance or improper training of how to handle one's emotions. Obviously, I took control and removed myself from my situation. Forgiving is coming slowly.
I have just started on the process of forgivness and self forgivingness with the help of a book called 'radical selfforgivness'. Very cool seeing this article at this time in my life! I have just started on this site...
For the most part, I can forgive fairly easily and I can ask for forgiveness when I have done something wrong or hurt someone. However, where I have stumbled and definitely feel stuck and unable to forgive, is when I forgive a certain person for hurting me and the ones I love and this person takes it for granted, learns nothing from it, nor even considers the actions as hurtful or even worse blames everyone else and continually does this on a daily basis. Taking no responsibility for the wrong doings or minimizing them or whatever certainly tells me that I have two options...1. stay and continue to be subjected to this "abuse" or 2. Leave and then forgive. Should be easy right? I've been considering these options for years yet fear has prevented me from doing the right thing. Thus, resentment, anger, pain, etc., has taken it's toll on me and now it is affecting my health and more importantly my children are suffering from it all as well. I will forgive...eventually, but first I need to get out.
thank you, so needed this..Have a great week..
I need to get Brave, I need to get Strong,I need to get Happy
Bill, you know that I wrote to my Brother and told him I love him - that was the first step towards saying "I forgive you and I'm sorry". Those words were better spoken over the telephone which I did yesterday. This was not easy to do because I do not want to give him permission to continually add stress to my Dad's life but I cannot continue to hold onto the resentment for him. Thank you for your words of wisdom!!!
Forgiveness is a practice of self- and other- love. I used to be afraid to forgive because I thought it meant having to continue to expose myself to abusive behavior and do-overs with people. It is possible to forgive, love others and remove ourselves from situations and relationships. Forgiveness doesn't mean having to stay in an unhealthy system. Once I understood that, the fear left me and I could open to forgiveness (offering and receiving).
Another interesting thought is when Jesus said to be willing to forgive 70 X 7 times. That may seem a little extreme except for the fact that a person might very easily replay a grievance 490 + times in their mind. But if and when an actual live forgiveness takes place then the repeated offense is put to rest and peace takes its place. (many of us may have to start with forgiving ourselves)
Thank You!!! Thank You so much for all you do! I had been planning on apologizing to someone in my life. Someone who I have had some really stressful interactions with over the past year. I was terribily hurt. I was going to mail her a letter and apologize (because of this blog). I didn't.I didn't mail her a letter. Today, I ended up parking right behind her when I went to pick up a mutual friend. Because of your blog, I walked right up to her, gave her a hug and said I was sorry for anything I had ever done to make her feel bad or uncomfortable. I let it go. I released it. xo-eM
Way more than 2 cents worth, Bill!!! Since you taught me forgiveness (several rounds of A~8's) my heart is pure. My anxiety & depression have disappeared. My life is truly blessed by releasing the big hurts. Again, again, & again I thank you for showing me the road to a better life. Hugs of gratitude. Sherri
A question for anyone who can answer: it stands to reason that a person with anxiety and stress issues MAY be holding onto something that they need to forgive someone for. If you suspect that you need to, but don't know who or what needs forgiven where do you start? Thanks all, Clint
I like this quote, Bill ... "This also means that the cynic who can lure you into hating them is taking your life currency and energy. The more we forgive, the more we care, the more ‘spiritually rich’ we become. Literally and metaphorically we profit by giving forgiveness away." So very true. Forgiveness is a process we have to engage in daily ... or at least I do. I try to keep it in check daily to avoid a big 'kerplosion' later on ... like I've experienced in the past. The one who suffers most is yourself.
Both step 8's I have done have allowed more relaese and healing for me. They were difficult and hard to share but I am glad I did them.
Love this important message. Beautiful and powerful. Thank you Bill.
Thank you Bill for this. It truly came at a much needed time. A very great reminder for me. With gratitude, -Teri
Hi Bill, Your timing couldn't have been better. Thank you for this powerful and moving message. Best, david
This is so true, and yet sometimes it is hard for us as humans to do. I have sometimes gotten so angry over a little something that maybe someone at work may have done or said, and found that I just ended up feeling bad physically, and lashed out at everyone I care about, when the person who may have said or done the wrong went on being happy. There are some people I have known that harbor grudges from something in the past, and they have a lot of physical diseases in their body, living unhappy lives because they are so bitter. The Lord says that vengeance is His. So just let it go, and He will take care of it.
This chapter helped me save the relationship (or lack thereof) that I never had with my father growing up. It is probably one the single greatest transformations in my personal relationships since joining transformation and doing the assignments. Thank you Bill for giving me an irreplaceable bond with my Dad just by sharing your vision of health (Mind, Spirit, AND Body) with all of us. _Andrew
Real good stuff we should be reminded of often. Thanks ! John
Thank you for such a powerful message Bill Many Blessings Angela
thanks for a very timely message in my life. i needed it--and, put so well. thanks again!
Very powerful Bill. I like the emphasis on forgiveness being a process.
"The forgiven don’t have to deserve it or earn it. It’s an act of grace and mercy on your part." Bill, this is powerful!!! Thanks for reminding us of this liberating aspect of forgiveness in our transformative efforts to move ever forward. -Donald
I'm a believer!!!!! and seriously working on this step. Thanks for a wonderful discussion. I will read this chapter in bed tonight and start on my journey of forgiveness to those who hurt me but most of all, to myself for hurting me!
Right on Bill!!!! I love this chapter and am so happy you added another two cents worth! You just doubled my money!! Love you, -Jillian
thanks for this powerful step Bill . FORGIVENESS is honestly great step , its humble and powerful exercise to work out to receive healthy transformations result. i know they are situation in life where we can jog many miles or work out crazy hard , but to forgive ? this is powerful Transformation healthy step . thanks Bill .
True Bill, so true
Please HELP, need verified method to alivate Diabetes symptoms.
Great!
A great blog, Bill, as always :) - Reetu
HI how are you?Bill Phillips .I'm a big fan of bill my dream is one day to meet him,can you ask him if by any chance to coment my profile please. If one day he came to visite London can you let me know please. All the best
Wow, Bill that was good preaching, I liken it to Mark 2:1-12 Because this man's friends had faith for him. They helped get where he needed to go so he be restored, spirit, soul and body. Before Jesus healed him, he told him son, your sins are forgiven, As you just share all the amazing truth forgiveness brings, this is a good example of it. Because after that he was forgiven, he could accept the healing for his life, and go foward. Thank you Bill this has so touched all our life's. I am pastor, and I loved this message:) APurposePlan4Me We Win In Him
Bill,Thank you for the insight. I totally agree. Andy.EagleEars
I absolutely agree with this! Here's another tip...we have dogs and they are great home companions that are "Masters" at forgiving and moving on. At least mine are...so WWFD. "What Would Fido Do?"
Yes, Forgiveness saved me in 2007, without it I would have become a wheelchair-er or maybe even quadriplegic. I owe Forgiveness BiiiG (Thank you Jesus). I am a living example of its startling biological effects on one's body. Thank you So Much for your humility, Teachings, and Genuine Caring Bill. BTW, in terms of human currency, I don't think one could safely put a Cent or Dollar amount on this article. In my humble opinion it is Priceless. ....Beautiful Ultra Fresh Perspective. Always.
Absolutely brilliant! Thanks Bill!
Well said Bill!!! I, too, have "unearthed" a lot of stuff that was hard to forgive--but I did forgive the ones who did the wrong(although they are dead)and I am happier for it. IT WAS WORTH IT!!!! Rusty:)
So true Bill. I went to a remote beach of Standley lake on a cold and gray day and repeated a paragraph of forgiveness and release over and over until my voice was horse and my spirit quieted. I released all the hatred and hurt.
Shoot Bill this is way more then 4 cents worth of wisdom!! I have seen forgiveness work all to well and boy to become lighter it sure helps to get rid of all the weight we carry with resentments and anger and hurt !!! Thanks for putting this out there once again!!...Marty
Thanks BP ~ would love for you to read my blog from this morning. I know that my 'true', 'real' self which IS full of LIGHT, that I have kept somewhat locked away, has begun to emerge as I become thin within. I must allow 'her' to radiate even brighter than before ~ It occurs to me just now, Bill, through tears, that I must bid farewell and forgiveness, to this 'other gal' I've seen in the mirror, that I've been carrying around with me for so, very, many years - 'her' hanging on so tightly, trying to quench that LIGHT within. For what ever reason 'she' has, I know will be revealed in time ~ HIS Timing, not mine, when it's time for me to receive it, look at it, walk through it, forgive, and let go of it. Yay! It's time to let 'her' go ~ and free that 'real' me, and let that LIGHT shine brightly! It will be that LIGHT that will draw others ~ and they will be able to receive, and allow me to help them, too. :-D So, we agree Bill. Once I embrace and make the decision to forgive - and receive it - there really is nothing more healing and FREEING - cause then I am choosing to walk in Love. :-Diane
Cant wait for the 6 cents!! I eagerly await :=) :=). I love your sharing and writing Bill. You are a wonderful human being, so open and willing to live and be the example we need in the world. I really apprecate and value you alot. Thia
Thanks. I always believed in forgiving others and self. And I was pretty good at it, too. But over the last year I have had a horrible time forgiving myself. Mostly because my actions lead to the destruction of dearest dreams and my most valued relationship. I think if my errors would have been regrettable but understandable and forgivable. But how can you forgive yourself and move on when your dream life is over... When what you worked so hard to build is destroyed. THIS is what I had never experienced. THIS is what makes the pain, guilt, regret and heartache linger.
I truly appreciate the opportunity to replant this sage wisdom and truth into the my thoughts right now. I find myself challenged with the opportunity to be a blessing and comfort to my father who is living out his final days here on this side (and not happy about it). His demeanor is often one that will attempt to "lure" others around him into unhealthy emotional anger. I am so grateful for this reminder here today Bill, THANK YOU. I refer to Dad's behavior as fishing for a fight and I can observe the past couple years how much healthier I am getting based on my unwillingness to bite for the most part. I have learned to gently try and express myself (whereas I used to either hide from mean spirited individuals, or try to swing back harder than they were throwing, and yet that NEVER worked!) As I began to seek out the path of a peacemaker, I encountered a new issue that I now tackle ... feeling the need to explain myself. Thinking that if the other person knew I meant no harm, all would be well. That doesn't necessarily work either. My Mom says "Don't complain~Don't Explain" She is a wise woman......
Thank you for this Bill.I needed it today.Feel better all ready.
Excellent article. I know i read this before in your book but now it really hits home since i am going through some personal issues and forgiveness or lack there of is one of the reasons i am having such a hard time sticking with mt Transformation program. Thanks for the reminder of how important forgiving and letting go is to my health and all the people around. judy
Sweet Forgiveness. It is the greatest healing elixir.