Bill Phillip's | Transformation

Confessions of a Food Addict

I've just returned from an "Annual Ladies Weekend" created for the women on my mom's side of the family. For several years now, my grandmother, (before her Heavenly Birth a couple of years ago) my mom, my aunts, my sister, and our cousins, have conveened for three days of freedom from the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, or both.

Spending time with family, immediate or extended, can present challenges along with the blessings. :)  We're always given the choice of what to focus on and how we view the challenge. If we stay in gratitude, we can use the challenge to give birth to more blessings. After having experienced this years Ladies Weekend, I've been given new insight in how I failed to focus on the blessings and create more of them in previous years.

Although I love my family and know the weekend is going to provide plenty of laughs, in the past, my focus has been on the challenge the weekend presents to my food addiction and how I "teach" these women to become healthier. God continues to remind me that He is the teacher in this classroom and all of us will remain students until we graduate into Heaven (and maybe still have learning to do there, who knows?) I've failed to focus on the blessing rather than the burden. This renewed awareness has made quite an impact on my "vision". One more instance of switching from the world's view finder, to God's high definition big screen.

I am a food addict. As one does when they are, or have been, addicted to something, I have a tendency to resort to food when I'm confused, stressed, exhausted, emotional, or to sum all of it up, overwhelmed. My binging episodes are nothing like they used to be in what they consist of or how often. I wouldn't even call my "episodes" binging as much as undisciplined eating, now that I've learned a better way of life. However, I've lost focus and over the last several months, my bar dropped considerably.

In April, I found myself all of those things I mentioned above. Experiencing emotion, exhaustion, and a want for a path less difficult to travel, I found myself in the kitchen eating things I have not consumed for years. Things I know that will not contribute to my energy, health, or overall sense of well being.  I drew the parallel of pregnancy, to this period of my life, in my last blog. Thank God I've not gained the 60 pound average that I did with my real life pregnancies. I have however gained 7 or 8 pounds. May not seem like a big deal to many, but it is to me. 

I don't come from a family that is health orientated. I'm a minority both in my immediate and extended family. My extended family may pay attention to what they are consuming occassionally, but that's a rarity. None of them workout or exercise. In my immediate family, I have a son that is very proactive in increasing his physical strength and health. My other children, however, aren't so careful with their choice of food or activity. My husband tries to make a "better" choice, not necessarily the best one and doesn't make time for exercise.

What I'm trying to say is my environment for the most part is not one that contributes to ease of good choice making. I GET TO be faced with the challenge of making the BEST choice often. I experience "seasons" from time to time, when the challenge proves to be more difficult than others.  No season where you know you are falling short of your best is the most enjoyable one. This is one of those seasons and it's come to an end.

I see how blessed I am that I've used past challenges to create blessings. I see where I could have created more of them had I been able to "wear different glasses" at previous Ladies Weekends and over the course of the last several months. I GET TO see the difference now and embrace the tool box I've acquired over the last several years. I GET TO pull out "tools" I've not pulled out in a while. Sometimes we get so focused on showing others how to use their tools that we forget to keep using our own. Sometimes we use the same tools over and over and forget there are so many others that are important to be utilized.  Those left in the tool box get a little rusty. 

The time has come for me to do a little maintenance work and follow that up with building something new. God has blessed each of us with the same tool box. I give thanks that I continue to show up in His classroom so that He can increase my skills with ALL of the tools and teach me something more. . 

Seeking to Learn from My Creator and Teacher Always, in ALL ways,

Denise