I have been surfing all over T.com today and I am finding so many people who have written about their mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar and I am in an episode right now. I am coming to terms with what this means for my life.

Can we use this thread to talk to each other about how we are overcoming our mental illnesses and moving forward with our journeys.

Mental illness has a stigma in society, but should be treated as seriously as heart disease or diabetes. We can't help when we are ill, but we can take responsibility for taking care of ourselves when we are not ill and to help prevent relapse when we are in remission.

Please, if you feel comfortable, share your story here, so that we can take the first steps in removing the stigma that mental illness has in out society.

We can use our successes to show people that even when we are ill, we can overcome and see deep and lasting changes.

I love every one of you.

Hi, Jen,

Mental illness is at the heart of the crisis I've been dealing with for over a year. I'm going to tell you all a story, but I won't name any names. It should become clear why as you read.

My son was diagnosed ten years ago, at age 16, with schizoaffective disorder. The onset was quite sudden.

What he's experiencing right now is beyond belief. He is in jail, charged with first degree stalking (defined as "stalking with a weapon") for...are you ready for this?

Sending his former caseworker a Christmas card.

I had his (married) caseworker investigated last November because my son told me that while he was in her "care," in early 2007, she initiated sexual contact with him. He actually welcomed it because he thought that meant she "loved" him, and he was quite infatuated with her. But she dropped his case a month or so into this "relationship" and wanted no further contact.

Around mid-2007, he'd gone off his meds and started calling her. The agency had him arrested and he served four months. (Didn't seem to matter that he had medical records, stretching back a decade, that documented his illness; "Jails," a mental health advocate told me when I called him for help, "are the new mental hospitals." Nor did my son ever receive any counseling for his obsession with her. He still hasn't.)

In November, he was released from jail, but by then, I'd launched an investigation of the caseworker by the entities that license and accredit her agency. She lied, of course, and that was the end of it. Or so we thought.

She had her chance to retaliate when she got a Christmas card from my son the following month. Clearly, she will stop at nothing to protect her job, her license and her reputation, even going so far as to claim, in court, that my son had rubbed the card on "himself" when there was nothing on the card to indicate he had done any such thing.

He's been incarcerated since December 17 of last year, though there's been no trial. Believe it or not, first degree stalking is punishable by up to five years in prison. The prosecutor is aggressive, and my son's PD seems ineffective.

This is like a nightmare I can't wake up from. We need your prayers.

So yes, Jen, mental illness is huge in our lives right now.

xo
Vittoria

It sounds like you are going through so much. My prayers are with you and your son and I hope that you and he will find long lasting peace. The Transformation assignments have given me the clarity to understand that I take responsibility for myself and my actions, and as your son's caregiver the assignments can give you the clarity to be the person your son needs in his times of illness. It sounds like you are taking steps toward helping him and I am honored that you have shared your story here. Thank you.

Thank you for inviting us to share, Jen. And you're absolutely correct that mental illness is a physiological illness, and should be treated no differently than diseases that don't happen to affect behavior.

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, just came out with a new issue of its magazine. The cover story is on a conversation between NAMI's executive director, Matt Kuntz and Barack Obama. President Obama is pushing very hard to ensure that the mentally ill in this country (a third of whom are completely uninsured -- and therefore, unmedicated -- due, mainly, to impaired ability to remain employed) benefit from his Adminstration's economic and healthcare incentives. So we do have an advocate in the White House. Now it's just a matter of making sure that universal healthcare is enacted.

I am a Buddhist (member of the SGI), and our practice also puts the greatest emphasis on one's responsibility for one's situation and actions. So I'm sure I'll feel right at home taking the "Assignments" here.

Best wishes to you, too, Jen, as you deal with your own health.

xo
V

This is such a wonderful thread - thanks for starting it!! So much stigma exists regarding mental illness. Just talking about it can make such a difference. Thank you!!!!

I also absolutely support your thread and also advocate for this tremendous cause. It is a blessing to many I am sure that you guys can share such deep thought and struggle. My heart is with you guys and if you ever need someone to participate in anything regarding your topics please let me know. Great job in helping to break those barriers down!!!! You guys are awesome.

Jen you're so cool. I love that you did this. I'll share my story here by way of posting a painting I did about panic disorder below. I'll go grab the link. Thank you Jen and everyone who posted.



This is better every day. Last year this time when I signed up on this site, I couldn't go outside my house even with my family. After signing up for the first challenge and in just a few weeks, I could, and without any attacks. But I still couldn't go alone. Then this year when I signed up for T2 in January, my goal for my After "Photo" was to be able to walk a mile outside alone -- alone. I have the associated disorder with this -- aggoraphobia. So this was almost unthinkable to me that this could happen. But then the unthinkable became the possible and then the possible happened.

Check out the two recent blogs about this:
I need help! and Did it!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think this will ever be easy but if I give up it will definitely get harder. My next goal is to drive my car alone -- me, who used to drive across the country alone - I haven't been able to go around the block. But that will change.

My daughter will be getting her doctorate in Clinical Psychology this summer. She sent me a book which I highly recommend to anyone with this disorder called Overcoming Panic about four years ago. Some dear friends who also had some of these symptoms formed a support group. (Big shout out to BobbiJaye, Kiralinn, Viv, Obi, Jandav, El and WriterGirl!! I love you guys!). We really helped each other a lot. I was so down and I will always be grateful. Now Bobbi is at college, Obi is going off on vacations by herself, WriterGirl has her own newsletter and is changing her life big time, and Jan, El, Kira, Viv and I are here transforming. How cool is that?

But the real change came for me when I took my life into my hands, and told fear: You have pushed me this far. You will push me no further.

EDIT: PS JRP is me (the sig in the photo). Jade Rose Phoenix, my nom-de-crayon. ^_~

Vittoria what a nightmare. *big hugs* I will pray that you get the advocacy you need to get your innocent son out of jail and the real predator behind bars. My bro-in-law has that disorder. I know how he is off meds -- it's horrid to think that that woman took advantage of that. Help is coming -- that's my prayer and visualization for you V.

Thank you, Micky. It brings me nearly to tears when someone expresses understanding and support.

xo
V

Micky, Thank you so much for sharing, and thank you Kevin and 4THEJSKW (I have talked to you so much and I just realized I don't know your name!) for your support.

Our stories are just being written. It is in our blogs and in our journeys and our success is in our showing up every day, the best we can.

Just a little update, and it actually ties in with our Transformations.

My precious son called last night from the jail. A couple months ago, his current caseworker had put over $300 on the "books" for him (meaning, he has that money to use while he's incarcerated.)

The sad thing is this: He's spent nearly all of it on sweets. They don't feed him enough for meals, and he says that junk is the only thing offered in the commissary. I warned him that eating poorly will aggravate his mental illness. But the poor kid is hungry, so for the time being, there's really nothing more he can do.

Wow, this is breaking my heart; I'm at work and the tears are starting, so I'd better leave it at that.

I'll just add that I hope my own Transformation will inspire him, and when he comes to live near me, I'm going to be cooking up a storm for him!

xo
Vittoria

I work in a mental hospital as a triage specialist on the crisis unit and the mind is a beautiful thing, but when there is a disorder, it's fascinating and heart-wrenching at the same time. I feel like the world of mental illness is pushed back in the corner by our society and because of it society misses out on some beautiful people. The mentally ill are incredibly intelligent, and when they are receiving the proper treatment, much like a diabetic, the people around them have no idea there is a problem. In fact, most of the time the mentally ill are popular, very gregarious people.

What a supportive group! Maybe a group is needed? My name is Traci, by the way!!!

Ther is a group in here for depression. I haven't seen one for mental illness in general, but that might be a good idea. A diagnosis doesn't tell the whole story. I remember being diagnosed with depression, but also experiencing crushing anxiety at times.
I've had depression since I was a teenager. I am now 45 years old. Last year my diagnosis was changed to bipolar. I am one of those atypical cases where my mania is not apparant to others. I can feel it as a mild euphoria, kind of like the happiness that a person feels when it is the first day of spring. I do have a problem with impulse spending during these times, and it usually takes me two months to iron out the mess I make. The majority of the polarity in my case is depression. I have a depressed state and a more depressed state mingled with a few days of mild mania. Without medication I wouldn't be able to work, and I would sink back to being a lump on the sofa. I wouldn't be able to take care of the house or my family.
When my psychiatrist changed my meds around in August, I began to feel whole for the first time in my life. I am learning how to clean up the physical and psychological messes that dominated my life for so long.
The majority of relatives on my mother's side suffer from some form of depression. It ranges anywhere from seasonal affective disorder to bipolar.
Mine is one story among millions. Even as impaired as I was, there was part of me that believed that I could be normal, and I fought for it whenever I could. This web site has had a lot to do with my recovery, and I am so thankful I found it. I welcome any questions you may want to ask about my illness, and would be happy to help in any way I can. It is the least I can do for all of the love that I received. Here.
Robin

It amazes me that there are so many people out there who suffer in silence, and the stigma is so great that there are others who suffer in total blindness because they can't bring themselves to listen to that small voice of intuition that says, "Something's going on here. Get checked out." I have been reading a lot on other websites and books as well where people are afraid to find out what is going on because it would be like exposing a dark secret, and evil side of themselves. There are people who are diagnosed who are afraid to tell their doctors what they are going through for fear of having a hospital stay.

What if someone had cancer that had gone into remission and then the syptoms came back? Would they hide it from the doctor for fear of the treatment? Possibly, but not likely because they know that cancer will kill them without treatment. Mental illness should be seen the same way, because for many it does end in death.

I want this thread to begin to open people's eyes about how serious mental illness is. I feel like we in this community are loving and accepting of all people, so this is a good and safe place to start.

I was once on eof those people who suffered in silence and in blindness, My diagnosis of bipolar is brand new. There may be coexisting conditions along with it, but I see it as a physical illness. I used to be afraid to ask for help with my issues and I would break down in episodes of crying, inadequacy, rage, self doubt, and blame. I would blame myself, and anyone around me for things that didn't go right. I have lived in 20 homes in the past 13 years, and I have had at least 40 jobs which include 5 career changes. All due to my mood swings and feelings that if I could just be a(n) editor, writer, massage therapist, etc... I would become famous, make money and be happy for the rest of my life. If I could just live in an apartment that allowed pets, was away from my parents, away from my spouse, near my old college, in a suburb, in a rural area etc...I would be peaceful and happy. When things didn't work out just as planned, ( or rather wished for) I would sink into depression, sometimes so deep that I went days wiithout taking care of myself, or eating, or eating too much, and wishing for accidents or death to get me out of situations.
I recognize this all now as an illness that manifests in emotional symptoms and it is not because I am lazy, or bad, or stupid that these things happened.
I love that I can now take responsibility adn get treatment, get medication and therapy to help me manage this. I am happy that I can use nutrition and exercise as ways to balance myself and as ways to plan for mood swings. I can name my husband as a health proxy if needed and as my caregiver.

I am overflowing with love for what all my Transformation work has done for me. It has gotten me out of the house and face to face with people. It has gotten me on the phone to face that fear. It has gotten me into the therapist's office. For the first time, I can say, "This too shall pass" when I feel an episode starting. For the first time I can begin to feel comfortable with the concept of a Universal Life Force called God.

Thank you, everyone for sharing, and please keep this thread going for anyone who may be suffering in slience and in blindness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tallgirlwithguitar Just a little update, and it actually ties in with our Transformations. My precious son called last night from the jail. A couple months ago, his current caseworker had put over $300 on the "books" for him (meaning, he has that money to use while he's incarcerated.) The sad thing is this: He's spent nearly all of it on sweets. They don't feed him enough for meals, and he says that junk is the only thing offered in the commissary. I warned him that eating poorly will aggravate his mental illness. But the poor kid is hungry, so for the time being, there's really nothing more he can do. Wow, this is breaking my heart; I'm at work and the tears are starting, so I'd better leave it at that. I'll just add that I hope my own Transformation will inspire him, and when he comes to live near me, I'm going to be cooking up a storm for him! xo Vittoria

This would break my heart too. I know he'll be so grateful for those homecooked when gets them V. Keeping you both in my prayers and visualizing help. Your story needs to be heard. *hugs*

Hi Jen!!!

As a mental health care provider and a participant in the NAMI 5K every year, I can tell you that this is a very important cause to me. Not only am I a counselor and therapist, I was a sufferer of major depressive disorder and anorexia nervosa.

I went from mental hospital patient to therapist. Let's stamp out the stigma!!!

Love,
Joan

I have been reading this thread for a while now and feel like I need to jump in. My husband suffers from OCD. It is like living with two people. Normally he is fun, then OCD attacks and he is a totally different person. He has triggers that set him off. I feel like I live my life making sure that no one says the wrong thing or that he doesn't see the wrong thing that will set off an attack. I feel so bad for him. He's not mean or violent when he's depressed on the contrary, he becomes quiet and distant. He's just not the fun, charismatic man that I adore.

At first he didn't want to receive treatment because of the stereotypes. I finally convinced him to get help by using my own physical problems as a comparison. I was born with out a hip. I know that sounds crazy, but I was born with out the ball of the femur, socket and a good part of my pelvis on the left side of my body. My parents could have easily put me in a wheelchair, as they were told to do. But, they found the best surgeon in the nation and after MANY operations and procedures later, I can walk. I do walk with a limp and have hard days occasionally.

Anyway, I asked my husband if he thinks my parents should have gotten me help for my problem and of course he said yes. So I always say, what's the difference between the two? We both suffer. Unfortunately, getting the help he needed took away his dreams. He went to seminary for five years to be an Army chaplain and then was denied due to his mental illness. My husband is a West Point graduate and all he ever wanted to do was serve his country and minister to the soldiers. He is fine on his medicine and would be able to be a chaplain, but due to the military's views on the mentally ill he has had to change his life goals.

I am so glad that everyone is talking about this issue. There are so many suffering needlessly! My prayers are with all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories.

Christine
PS - I know that luvfudge isn't a great transformation name, but I sell fudge and it has become somewhat of an identity for me. I'm also known as the fudge diva. Ha! Now you know why I need to be here! Too much fudge!

One in Five
22.1% of Americans ages 18 and older suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. Applied to U.S. Census figures, that's 44.3 million Americans.

National Institute of Mental Health, 2001
Archives of General Psychiatry, 1993; U.S. Census 1998

People with Mental Illness Enrich our Lives
Abraham Lincoln • Virginia Woolf • Lionel Aldridge • Eugene O'Neill • Ludwig van Beethoven • Gaetano Donizetti • Robert Schumann • Leo Tolstoy • Vaslov Nijinsky • John Keats • Tennessee Williams • Vincent Van Gogh • Isaac Newton • Ernest Hemingway • Sylvia Plath • Michelangelo • Winston Churchill • Vivien Leigh • Jimmy Piersall • Patty Duke • Charles Dickens
There is little evidence that the stigma f mental illness has been reduced in contemporary American society. Preference for social distance in most social settings between the public and those with mental health problems remains distressingly high.

MacArthur Foundation, NIMH & the National Science Foundation, 1996

Suicide is the 11 th leading cause of death among Americans.
Suicide is the 3 rd leading cause of death for young people 15-24 years of age. The incidence of suicide among adolescents and young adults has nearly tripled between 1952 and 1995 in the U.S.

National Institute of Mental Health, 2001

4 of the 10 leading causes of disability in the U.S. and other developed countries are mental disorders.
Total (in millions)
% of Total

1. Major Depression

50.8
10.7

2. Iron deficiency anemia

22.0
4.7

3. Falls

22.0
4.6

4. Alcohol use

15.8
3.3

5. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease

14.7
3.1

6. Bipolar Disorder

14.1
3.0

7. Congenital anomalies

13.5
2.9

8. Osteoarthritis

13.3
2.8

9. Schizophrenia

12.1
2.6

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorders

10.2
2.2

World Health Organization/World Bank
Harvard University Press, 1996

18.8 million American adults, 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older have a depressive disorder in a given year.
Nearly twice as many women (12.0 %) as men (6.6%) are affected by a depressive disorder each year.

National Institute of Mental Health, 2001
U.S. Census, 1998

Mental Health is not just the absence of Mental Illness
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”
The World Health Organization's 191 member states have endorsed this statement.

From the Constitution of the World Health Organization
Report on Mental Health: New Understanding, New Hope, 2001

“... Americans must understand and send this message: mental disability is not a scandal - it is an illness. And like physical illness, it is treatable, especially when the treatment comes early.”
“Our country must make a commitment. Americans with mental illness deserve our understanding and they deserve excellent care."

President George W. Bush
Launch of the President's New Freedom Initiative
April 29, 2002

The cost of severe mental illness to the U.S. economy is staggering. The price tag for direct treatment costs, including hospitalizations and medications, is $67 billion.

Health Care Spending: National Expenditures for Mental Health, Alcohol and other Drug Abuse Treatment
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, 1998

The costs of untreated mental illness to the individual, family, and society are staggering.

Unnecessary Disability
Unemployment
Substance Abuse
Homelessness
Inappropriate Incarceration
Suicide

The economic cost of untreated mental illness is more than $100 billion each year in the U.S.

National Institute of Mental Health, 2001

60% of emergency physicians report that the upsurge in people with mental illness seeking treatment in community emergency departments is negatively affecting patient care, causing longer wait times, and affects everyone's access to life-saving treatment.
2/3 rds of these physicians attribute the recent escalation to state health care budget cutbacks and decreasing number of psychiatric beds for people living with mental illness in crisis.

American College of Emergency Physicians, national survey, 2004

It is easier for a person with a severe mental illness to get arrested than to get treatment. Jails and prisons are becoming a dominant living setting for persons with severe mental illness.
More than 10% of all inmates – 250,000 individuals – in prisons and jails suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression, at an annual cost of $6 billion.
This is nearly 4x the number of those cared for in hospitals.

Criminal Justice and Behavior: Morris, Steadman, and Veysey, 1997

Severe mental illnesses are treatable disorders of the brain. Treatment works, if you can get it.
Success rates for treating mental illnesses are high:

• Treatment success rate for bipolar disorder: 80%
• For major depression: 65%
• For schizophrenia: 60%
• Treatment success rate for heart disease: 45%

Health Care Reform for Americans with Severe Mental Illness
National Advisory Mental Health Council, NIMH, 1993

Hello everyone I orginally posted this on a thread for trichotillimania, a hair pulling disorder classified as OCD. Bless all of you on your journey. If I can be of service or a shoulder to lean or just be there for you I would honored to do so.

I am finishing up round 2 may 18 and my heart wanted me to post on this thread.
So... here it goes I have gained my health back and had for the first time in 15 years knew what it was like to have eyelashes. I wish I could say that I was recovered
and that I have cured myself from my OCD anxiety but it still lurks ... good news now is that I am stronger and I know I can grow them again. I have the formula and the recipe for doing this. I do not really want this challenge round 2 to be focused on that because it is only a part of who I am if does not define me or my inner soul or even who I am. I am pushing through the fear and shame to even admit it to you guys right now. But I need to start round 2 with a clear head and free from the Guilt that this disorder causes me and so many others.
I have more to transform, give and explore, and now its time to really kick things into high gear as I move forward to round 2. Thank you for being in my life!!!! Love always Liz