Alright my Brownies are looking down the barrel of an 0-16 season. They need my help. The offense is putrid. The defense is worse. Moreover, the Browns traded one of our few weapons last week,Braylen Edwards (WR), to the Jets for some tube socks and golf tees. I can only imagine that the trade was prompted by the Mayor of Cleveland himself. You see--Edwards got in a fight with Lebron James' publicist. While Detroit has the Big Three--Cleveland had Lebron..We can not make Lebron upset! He is the entire economy in Cleveland!

Long story, short, the Browns need my help.

I lost 2.6 lbs this week. Each pound represents an additional touchdown for the Brownies--that's just the way it is in my alternative "Bizarro World Universe"--where they are clearly "America's Team." So, whatever the score is for the Browns this week---add 18.2 points--that's the real final score. We'll see how that shakes out.

Take that Buffalo! That just happened! Snap!

At the conclusion of the 1st--the offensive futility continues. But I'm grateful we haven't given up 3 touchdowns

Browns-0

Bills-0

But then when "weight-adjusted"

The score is

Browns-18.2

Bills-0

The Cleveland Browns edged out the Buffalo Bills, 6-3 today. But when you add my "weight-adjusted" score, this game was a blowout 24-3.--Your welcome, Cleveland!

Now the Browns will run the table, going 12-4. Then they will win Super Bowl and become the subject of a Walt Disney movie starring "The Rock." The movie will be called,"King Kosar" and will several Academy Awards.