Self-Talk

A place for us to share thoughts and information on the power of self-talk and it's effect on our lives.

Hints, techniques and information from authors that can help each other improve our mindset in regards to self-talk.

I JUST TOLD MYSELF ON MY BLOG~!!!!!! THAT I LOVE MYSELF~!! I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER AND I MENT IT~!!! I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE WHAT IS TO BECOME IN THE FUTURE~!!! I LOVE THIS GROUP ALREADY~!! THANK YOU~!!!! THIA~!! ~Leti~XOXOXOXOXO

Excellent Leti! Keep doing that!


I really believe in the power of self-talk. The thoughts that swirl around in our head over and over again truly do help to program our beliefs. I have done alot of re-programming over the years to change some very damaging 'thoughts' and of course, like everyone else continue to do the 'work' of changing the negative into the positive, we are continually growing.

Here is an excerpt from an author that I just loved, he is a bit dated, but he truly inspired and helped me when I first started to change these 'thinking patterns' and how I talked to myself.

What to say when you talk to yourself!

Shad Helmstetter.

5. Programming

We believe what we are programmed to believe. Our conditioning, from the day we were born, has created, reinforced, and nearly permanently cemented most of what we believe about ourselves and what we believe about most of what goes on around us. Whether the programming was right or wrong, true or false, the result of it is what we believe.

It all starts with our programming! What we have accepted from the outside world, or fed to ourselves, has initiated a natural cause and effect chain reaction sequence which cannot fail to lead us to successful self-management, or to the unsuccessful mismanagement of ourselves, our resources and our future.

It is our programming that sets up our beliefs, and the chain reaction begins. In logical progression, what we believe determines our attitudes, affects our feelings, directs our behavior, and determines our success or failure:

1. Programming creates beliefs.
2. Beliefs create attitudes
3. Attitudes create feelings.
4. Feelings determine actions
5. Actions create results

That's how the brain works. If you want to manage yourself in a better way, and change your results, you can do so at any time you choose. Start with the first step. Change your programming. (pg 70-71)

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He is a bit dramatic in his wording with the 'permanently cemented' which today we know just is not so, we can change our thinking from negative to positive and like he says it is all in choice, it can be done many of us are living proof of that. A person just has to decide that enough is enough and start talking nice to themselves.

How we talk to ourselves is in direct relation to what comes out of our mouth and projected onto other people. If we treat ourselves poorly than we most likely treat others poorly as well.

We can change the patterns of thinking!

Awesome stuff Thia!

I feel like I was led here tonight. I so needed this.

Thank you for all you do Thia.

Take care.

El

What does Negative

Self-Talk Look like?

"Here are just a few examples of frequently used negative self-talk. As you read them, see if you know someone who says something similar, or if you have said something like any of these yourself:

I cant remember names
Its going to be another one of those days!
Its just no use!
I just know it wont work!
Nothing ever goes right for me.
That just my luck
Im so clumsy
I dont have the talent
Im just not creative
Everything I eat goes right to my waist
I cant seem to get organized
Today just isnt my day
I can never afford the things I want
I already know it wont like it
No matter what I do I cant see to succeed at what I am attempting
I never have enough time
I just dont have the patience for that
Another blue Monday
I get sick just thinking about it
Sometimes I hust hate myself
Im just no good
Im too shy
I never know what to say
With my luck I dont have a chance
Things just are not working out right for me
I dont have the energy I used to
Im really out of shape
I never have any money left over at the end of the month
Why should I try, its not going to work anyway!
Ive never been any good at that
The only kind of luck I have is bad luck
I never win anything
I feel like Im over the hill
Someone always beats me to it.
Nobody likes me
I never get a break
It seems like Im always broke
Everything I touch turns to bleep
Sometimes I wish Id never been born
I lose weight but then I gain it right back again
I get so depressed
I just cant seem to get anything done
Thats impossible!
There is just no way
I always freeze up in front of a group
Im nothing without my first cup of coffee in the morning (okay this one is funny..lol)
I just cant get with it today
Ill never get it right
I just cant take it anymore
I hate my job
I get a cold this time every year
Im just not cut out for that
Im really at the end of my rope
You just cant trust anyone anymore
I just cant handle this!
If only I were smarter
If only I were taller
If only I had more time
If only I had more money
....and on and on and on" (Shad Helmstetter)

Whew Guys and Gals! That is alot of negative self talk, I dont know about anyone else but I see myself in there, what about you!

Bringing this type of inner and spoken type of dialogue with ourselves and others to the surface is a great place to start recognizing what it is we are really saying to ourselves over and over again.

Then of course we need to find a way to change the dialogue and we can do that with ourselves and a little help from our friends and co-transformers too

Food for Thought

It is interesting that we really truly believe that the reason we say the negative self-talk statements internally or to other people is because we believe they are true. We perceive it is staring at us in the face.

Look. See. It is real. Im looking at it right here, therefore, it is what is actually happening so how can I not say these negative things.

When in Truth and reality the things we believe are 'real' ' are there BECAUSE we are saying them over and over and over again not the other way around. We learned them somewhere along the line and made them into our beliefs about ourselves.

Remove and change the negative self-talk to more positive language and watch your life change, it will, it has to.

What we see is a result of our inner core beliefs and patterns of thoughts.

My happiness is not a result of my experience

My experiences are a result of my happiness!

We are what we think about all day long!

Thia thanks for the reminders of examples of negative self talk. This is certainly something I need to be more aware of. I appreciate you sharing this!
Love
joan

Picking on my negative Self-Talk

Here is a little trick I have used and do to "pick on" some of the persistent negative thoughts in my mind that 'seem' to have a mind of their own

Okay, so I dont believe it is possible to just change all our negative self-talk overnight and say "okay, Im never having another negative thought" Ya right!

There is usually a theme going on or ONE negative sentence that can play in our mind over and over again sometimes without us even realizing it. Like Bill taught in a past assignment (I may need to dig that one up from last year) Bringing these thoughts to the surface is a great starting place.

Is there one persistent thought that repeats itself over and over it may be connected to a whole whack of other limiting beliefs.

Pick on that one. Write out an affirmation that is the opposite of this negative thought you are aware of that keeps popping up....

Example: I cant seem to lose weight no matter how hard I try or what I do

Positive thought: I easily maintain a healthy weight by exercising and eating healthy.

Everytime that negative thought pops up or you hear yourself saying it - you can even ask other transformers to remind you when you do it, we hear it in others much of the time but need help recognizing it at times. Just say delete, delete, delete. And replace it with the new one.

Focusing on one thing at a time can sure help, it cant hurt, right?

Thia, these are all wonderful examples of negative self talk and I totally agree that words are so important. It would be a challenge to take that long list and offset them with something positive.

My question is this; Do you think that there has to be something that goes along with your second statement..."I easily maintain a healthy weight by exercising and eating healthy"...besides the words. The mind doesn't believe what you say...just because you say it....and the first and second statements are in total contradiction of each other...so how would you make the jump from one to the other?

Hi Cathy. Great questions and thoughts.

Yes the statements are indeed in total contrast to each other, that is the point, as far as I can see

According to my beliefs, I believe, that our mind 'does' believe the things we say to it that is how we get into the predicaments we do, what we talk about, think about and focus on becomes our life, who we are. I believe repeating something over and over again either in your mind or out loud does create a belief system!

We 'do' believe what we think and say and it gets imbedded into our subconscious mind as an inner core belief, actually our whole belief system is based in what we 'think' about life, would you not agree?

I would say it is better to talk positive then negative, that is the whole concept of building a positive mindset.

I dont think it is necessary to think you have to make a 'jump' from one to other, the point is to start talking in a more positive mindset than a negative, therefore re-directing your focus in life.

And as I mentioned in my last post, for sure, we cannot just switch all this stuff overnight and make a huge leap, but starting somewhere to change the way we think to a more positive outlook is always a good thing.

My thoughts anyway

Cathy, Ive been giving this some more thought and wanted to expand on your questions and delve a little deeper, they are very important questions.

Does just saying and thinking something actually really make a difference?

For me, personally, I truly believe that it does and I will give an explanation as to why I believe it does.

When we say the first statement from above that I wrote (the one Cathy is referring to)

Example: I cant seem to lose weight no matter how hard I try or what I do.

What happens to us when we say this! I believe it creates disempowerment, the feelings that are generated from the thought/spoken word is what truly affects us! What feelings does this statement generate, defeated, why bother, what is the point, no use....

You can almost envision the person with their head bowed low and their shoulders slumped forward in a 'it doesnt matter'

Complete defeat. Therefore, this affects how we behave if you repeat over and over again that it does not matter what you do, what do you think you will do, of course, nothing, why bother it is all futile anyway right?

Positive thought: I easily maintain a healthy weight by exercising and eating healthy.

Now when we think or say the above statement what does this generate in our emotional being, it does make a difference, as along as I take these actions I can make a difference, what I do does matter.

This empowers us, helps us to feel uplifted and like we can do it! Therefore we will DO what we know will make a difference, we will exercise, we will eat right, because we 'believe' in it.

Our thoughts and spoken words DO make a difference in our lives, they help create our feelings, which help us 'act' certain ways.

Of course, this is a piece of the puzzle (and the self-talk thread) but combined with creating beautiful feelings of gratitude (gratitude thread) and using visualization techniques (visualization thread) and looking a little deeper into who we are (mental diet thread)....all these things combined working together help empower us to choose wisely all our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions.

I just negative self-talked on my blog, but then I wrote "Thought be gone!" and put that stuff right out of my head.

Thank you Thia for all you do for us. (And your message was passed by me today by my friend. )



El

El! Great! All we can do is just keep working at it. Just keep focusing on what you want not on what you dont want. None of us can ever do this perfectly. You are doing great becoming aware of it.

It is good to say delete, delete, delete or 'thought be gone' but even more important is to replace the message with something in it's place. Would you be willing to do something with me? Only if you choose?

Could you bring your negative self-talk blog here and paste it and what we can do is re-write what you said and then you have a positive affirmation to say and think to yourself. Give it a go. If you dont mind. Bring it over to this thread.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

I think that self talk is important...I think it takes more than the words ...you have to find a reason to believe.

Hi Cathy, yes having reasons is great but maybe we can even 'self-talk' ourselves into having good reasons?

I love the Gandhi quote and like he says if I keep saying something to myself over and over again one day I may wake up and actually believe it.

And yes, I agree with you it takes more than just chanting positive affirmations, there definitely needs to be deep spiritual change as well! We have great reasons to consider over in the mental diet part reasons abound !

I do believe it is definitely a great place to start, it actually takes work to stay positive, more effort to speak positive and it is 'easy' to just drown ourselves into the negative language and focus!

Onward with positive self-talk yay!

I have found a great article on tips for changing and becoming aware of the self-talk. Some of these tips are very similar to what Bill teaches about taking 'note' of what we are saying.

Like Bill says we can actually tell alot about a person just by spending a few minutes talking to them and hearing what they are saying to themselves about themselves, very telling indeed.

How about you? If you hear yourself speaking and what you are saying do you notice a connection between what you are saying and how your life actually 'looks' for real!

Think about that for a bit, very interesting for sure

We are Talking Spirits. The Word is important for a reason.

The Article

Patterns of negative or positive self-talk often start in childhood. Usually, the self-talk habit is one that’s colored our thinking for years, and can affect us in many ways, influencing the experience of stress to our lives. However, any time can be a good time to change it! Here are some ways you can stop yourself from using negative self-talk and use your mind to boost your productivity and self-esteem, and relieve stress.



Notice Your Patterns:


The first step toward change is to become more aware of the problem. You probably don’t realize how often you say negative things in your head, or how much it affects your experience. The following strategies can help you become more conscious of your internal dialogue and its content.

• a. Journal Writing:

• Whether you carry a journal around with you and jot down negative comments when you think them, write a general summary of your thoughts at the end of the day, or just start writing about your feelings on a certain topic and later go back to analyze it for content, journaling can be an effective tool for examining your inner process.

• b.Thought-Stopping:

• As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream my saying to yourself “Stop”. Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where.

• c. Rubber-Band Snap:

• Another therapeutic trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist; as you notice negative self-talk, pull the band away from your skin and let it snap back. It’ll hurt a little, and serve as a slightly negative consequence that will both make you more aware of your thoughts, and help to stop them! (Or, if you don’t want to subject yourself to walking around with a rubber band on your wrist, you’ll be even more careful to limit the negative thoughts!)

• Replace Negative Statements:

A good way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with something better. Once you’re aware of your internal dialogue, here are some ways to change it:

• a. Milder Wording:

• Have you ever been to a hospital and noticed how the nurses talk about ‘discomfort’ instead of ‘pain’? This is generally done because ‘pain’ is a much more powerful word, and discussing your ‘pain’ level can actually make your experience of it more intense than if you’re discussing your ‘discomfort’ level. You can try this strategy in your daily life. In your self-talk, turning more powerful negative words to more neutral ones can actually help neutralize your experience. Instead of using words like ‘hate’ and ‘angry’ (as in, “I hate traffic! It makes me so angry!”), you can use words like ‘don’t like’ and ‘annoyed’ (“I don’t like traffic; it makes me annoyed,” sounds much milder, doesn’t it?)

• b. Change Negative to Neutral or Positive:

• As you find yourself mentally complaining about something, rethink your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t, necessarily? (For example, having your plans cancelled at the last minute can be seen as a negative, but what you do with your newly-freed schedule can be what you make of it.) The next time you find yourself stressing about something or deciding you’re not up to a challenge, stop and rethink, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.

• c. Change Self-Limiting Statements to Questions:

• Self-limiting statements like “I can’t handle this!” or “This is impossible!” are particularly damaging because they increase your stress in a given situation and they stop you from searching for solutions. The next time you find yourself thinking something that limits the possibilities of a given situation, turn it into a question. Doesn’t “How can I handle this?” or “How is this possible?” sound more hopeful and open up your imagination to new possibilities?

You can also help yourself develop more positive self talk by bringing more positive energy into your life. Here are some resources for surrounding yourself with positivity so your mind remains more optimistic and positive.

Source: http://stress.about.com/od/optimisms...iveselftak.htm

There is one statement that I find myself saying over and over again:

I just can't get up in the morning to work out. I can't get out of bed.

I can change this to:

I look forward to getting my workout done first thing in the morning, and starting my day with an accomplishment.

Maria,
Me too! I say the same! I am also going to change my inner dialogue.
Blessings!
Sheila

I think that what Gandhi was saying is...if we tell ourselves we can't do it...we believe it. If we believe it we can....

that is funny...I agree...that we can change our beliefs by what we say in a negative way...but only influence them by what we say in a positive way...that would be worth pondering.

Maria...I know that I can get up...I just need to want to: ) It is easier for me to change my inner dialogue to "you can work out later"....or "if I work out now...I can get more done later".... I don't know if that is good...except that it allows me to work within my limits...maybe that takes us back to limiting beliefs.

LOL...happy Monday!

These were my affirmations this morning as I walked to work:

I am in control of my life and will make good decisions
I am a compassionate loving person
I am strong
I am successful in my endeavors to be healthy and fit
I am worth love
I carry myself with respect, joy, and happiness
I am enthusiastic and people are attracted to that