I am trying really hard to ignore those depressed feelings. It is not easy at all. I am trying to place another thought in my mind once I get a negative thought. it works a few times but mostly it doesn't. This is a work in progress and I am working on it.

I think the reason I do use alcohol is to get my mind NOT to think so much. I know its totally wrong and again its a work in progress to stop that.

As many have said here I need to JUST DO IT and BE THE CHANGE and STOP THINKING!

I am working on it. I feel I am getting closer to taking a larger leap into this but I guess baby steps can't hurt until I do jump across to the other side.

I look back at why I am depressed and allot of thoughts are that I am unhealthy and overweight. Is this a just a result of being depressed though. My whole life I have been overweight for the most part. Was never great in sports growing up. Was picked on as a kid by other kids. This has allot of weight in the back of my mind as well. I am trying to learn from that and put that behind me.

Thanks for the recommendations and support.

Hi,
I suffer from depression as well. I was diagnosed at 22. I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. This sounds crazy, but diet and excercise play a huge role in staying out of the "gray". It's a battle, but I think you and I found the right place. It's so hard for me to be happy in the moment--my mind quickly goes to the "gray".
Realization is the first step. Now you've decided to do something about it. That is courageous. Some never make it that far. They live in denial their whole lives. I'm looking forward to finding an accountability group and getting started. I do take antideppressants and they help--but the cure is NOT IN THE BOTTLE. It's all about action. If I can get out of my own head and reach out to others, I feel centered. Lately, that has not been the case, so don't think I'm lecturing. I'm right there with you now. Your blog reminded me that I am not alone.
I'm glad you are here.
Carol
You will be in my prayers today.

Fellow depressive here, not much to say yet.

Well, depression OR anxiety OR OCD.

Hey Rob!

I've had depression for about 30 years now, so I understand the darkness and the fuzzy grayness in between. My advice is to keep thing simple. Don't over think, or even think more than a few weeks into the future. Part 2 of assignment 1 could be "me three weeks from now." You don't have to know where you will be in 18 weeks. Someone once described depression this way: "Imagine tying your shoes. Now, imagine every time that you will tie your shoes in your lifetime. Imagine the effort it will take, the time and energy expended. That is what it is like to be depressed." Don't think about having to do this for the rest of your life. Choose to do something good for yourself now. Then tomorrow, choose to do something again.

When I first started cardio, I was afraid of having a heart attack. I used the heart rate monitor on the treadmill so that I would know when to stop. I had visions of all of these young, fit college students gathering around me as I clutched my chest, saying, "What was that old bat thinking? She was way too fat to run. What a loser!" Now I know when I am doing too much.

About 5 weeks into my challenge, I turned to my boyfriend and said, "I bet you're wondering when I will lose interest in this Transformation thing and give up." He replied, "Nope. The only one who is thinking that is you."

I don't think I was any stronger than you are now. I think I was just at that place when I thought, "I don't want to look like this, or feel like this anymore. Anything is better than this." It is scary to take that first step. Step number two isn't a picnic either. But you get used to it. After a while the body aches will lessen, and the muscle aches will feel good because they mean progress. Progressing is all you have to do. Take that next step. We're here for you.

Robin

Hi Rob,

Wow now it seems you are connecting back to when you started to feel depressed - believe me when you find this root you are on the journey to disconnecting this feeling.
People will always want to give you help and advise and the list of places to start and people who want to help you is amazing - The support is here if you want it and I know that you don't want to feel depressed anymore.
There are free things that you can do to start you off - drinking water is a great start, starting to exercise (with exercises that you can do), working with your wife to devise meals that your whole family can eat and taking some ownership and responsibility to prepare these meals with her and your kids. Visualisation is a powerful tool and I know you want to change so start visualing that person, who does he look like? Journaling your thoughts is great too - this really really helps with depression as you can look back and see what triggers the moods.

Start taking small steps but start taking them - life is a journey full of experiences - depression is not a dirty word it's just a place you are at and it's time to move forward.

Take care and keep posting

D

Hi everyone, I just joined this community and have been reading some of the posts in the Forums.

Rob- I signed on just now because I really want to reply to your posts about where you are in life right now.

I sure do hope you get this!

I understand how you must be feeling.
Rob, last year my father died after suffering with dementia for several years. During that time, my Mom, 79, was diagnosed with lung cancer but didn't tell us until a month after my dad passed. This made working through grief of loosing a parent difficult since I was now facing loosing the other, having had doctors tell us that she may not survive the operation or the diease. In between these two events, a relationship with a man I fell in love with ended. My Mom made it through oung cancer, then I lost a cousin, then my aunt, then a friend of 24 years. This all happened in 7 1/2 months.

You are not alone. Millions of people battle or have battled with depression.
I don't want to overwhelm you with advice; I remember just getting myself together to get groceries was tough.

I do want to say, faith in God is what really helped me.
In my own dark night of the soul, I really sought help through a local church.
I do believe in the power of prayer.

I kept a Journal and think this is helpful. Look for something good in your day, everyday. If someone held a door open for you, write that down. If it was a nice day, write that down. There are gifts coming at you from EVERWHERE. You could write about what a courageous man you are, signing up for a Forum like this. Do you know how many peple cannot even admit they are struggling? And we all have. Imagine how amazing you will feel when you get to a good place and you can help other people get through there tough times. You can't see that right now, I know it. but it will happen. If you did not have pain that you noticed until 2pm, write "wow, I felt good for three hours this morning!" Don't word it as "pain showed up at 2pm". I am telling you, over time, you will begin to focus on the good and the good will GROW.

There was a woman who did the Body For Life program. Her name was Julie. She was so physically ill all she could do was lift a roll of quarters. Can you set yourself a goal, that is acheivable, like "I will walk for 10 minutes?" Then when you reach that goal love yourself for it! Come and tell everyone here on the message board about it and everyone will celebrate with you! If paperwork on your workout bench is overwhelming, okay forget the bench for now. Do something that noone can get in the way of you accomplishing. And if it is your thoughts trying to stop you, really practice getting yourself in alignment with God who wants you to be healthy and strong- tell yourself, I am going for that 10 minute walk now.

Give yourself time. It took me months to think clearly. I put affirmations up around my home, some of them reminded me: "you are on a path of healing". This reminded me that even though I was not yet back in the game of life, I was getting there.

Take small steps.

A little quote I once heard I really like: "in the end, it is all okay. If it is not okay, it is not the end."
In other words, you are walking through a dark tunnel right now. Keep walking. There will be light shining at the end of it in time.

I believe in you Rob!!!!

Rob-one other thing.

Someone told me as I was struggling, "there is a lesson to be learned here."
But I was not able to think clearly enough to contemplate what kind of lesson I was learning.
The thought that there was some kind of gift in all that went on last year...well, I just couldn;t think about that.

I am telling you, there is.
And thinking about that helped me heal.
I kept asking myself, "okay, what am I suppossed to be learning here?"

I learned life is short.
I want to love others and allow others to love me.
What a great lesson.
I am telling you Rob, there is something for you in all this.

I just read some of your post and I want you to know I can relate...and I am praying for you. Love and blessings, Kat