Hey transformers,
Thanks for letting me vent my struggles. A little about me. I am 40,the unfortunate weight of 210, unable to have children, very unhappy with what I see. I have things that I need to over come and don't quite know where to start the dealing and healing. I was born with out my right arm and I masked my eating with trying to hide my handicap if everyone saw the weight first. I was also molested by my best friends brother when I was 6 years old. I still have trouble getting past that, I feel that I was robbed being a little girl.. Once again I thought growing up that I could hide myself by gaining weight and people woud see the fat instead of me. I guess I was trying to hide what people couldn't even see. I have a husband who has no idea of my past, I have kept it hidden a long, long time. I believe that some of my past is causing some of my marriage problems. I has a miscarriage and then a hysterectomy again another pity party. I feel that I failed in some way. I would love to adopt and fulfill my life but I need to fix me before anything else. I want to learn how to love myself, deal with the issues I have. I want to deal with and bury and make a change for good. I want to know that I can look good from the inside out. I put on a really good front that I am happy but I am not. I am not sure what one thing triggers me to eat, cry have a pitty party, Etc. I know that there are support groups out there but unfortunatly everthing has a price tag. But I am hoping that with this journey and meeting my new support group I can get the support and maybe some insite on how to acheive this new challenge I have embarked on. I believe that I was suppose to watch Bill's show. It was a sign.... and signs are overlooked no more.

I tried hiding myself in fat but it didn't hide the sadness, pain, fear, frustrations and all the other feelings that was going on inside of me. I was also molested and raped at the age of 7. I was molested by others and raped again in my 20's. The most important thing for me has been to be gentle with myself and honest with the people who care about me.

My husband could not understand why I was over reacting to some things such as a hug from behind or other loving touches. I had to get honest with him and with his support I was and am able to work through the triggers that popped up and occassionally pop up. The triggers come less and less but at times I'm still not aware what I'm feeling is an old trigger. They have lessened as I come to recognize, become aware and stay present in the moment and acknowledge what is happening. As I root these things out of my life, I don't feel the need to overeat as much. I still have bad days, but they are less and less.

Stay focused and open to what is to come and you will overcome.
Mona

Kassibear1,
I have had to forget the past and it is not easy. It is something of a struggle but it can be done. Even me who works daily with groups both professional and laypeople had problems letting go of the past and forgiving the past. There are many ways to do this, it is just to find the way that works for you. One thing I try to tell my class when there are issues of the personal nature, I advise them to understand their emotions. Understand that while they are setting goals they are going to go through an emotional state that relates to the setting and realization of their goals. So I tell everyone to sit back think about their emotions and where they want their emotions to take them. They basically asked to set emotional goals. It works. If you have questions feel fee to ask.
Mark-John

It comes down to different things for different people I guess - MY challenges, as far as finding forgiveness is concerned, were different to some (finding forgiveness for the suicide car bomber that blew me up in Iraq) - it's a fact of life; Bad things do sometimes happen to good people; it's not a question of what we deserve or don't deserve, it's not even a question of right and wrong in the strictest sense - LIFE IS and everything that happens serves a purpose.

I believe this ... to find TRUE and LONG-LASTING forgiveness, the steps necessary for EVERYONE are these ...

We have to be willing to see things differently
When we argue with Reality, we lose ... but only 100% of the time

We have to be willing to accept some responsibility for how we FEEL about things
(this ISN'T about guilt or fault-finding, it's about realising our feelings and beliefs are a result of the meanings that we attach to events, words and actions - e.g. the fact that someone "dumped" you 15 years ago doesn't mean that you are not worthy of being loved ever again)

We have to be willing to let go of the past and move on with making a fabulous life for ourselves and the ones we care about - to move from Victim to Victor

It may sound obvious ... but you'd be surprised how many people unconsciously choose to stay stuck in the past.

This may "flesh-out" my view, somewhat ...

http://www.transformation.com/gloomr...r-stories/7274

If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is this.... you can't have a future if you're always in the past. How can you take steps forward if you are looking behind you? You HAVE to let it go.
Do yourself a favor and give yourself the PRESENT so you can have a future!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kassibear1 Hey transformers, Thanks for letting me vent my struggles. A little about me. I am 40,the unfortunate weight of 210, unable to have children, very unhappy with what I see. I have things that I need to over come and don't quite know where to start the dealing and healing. I was born with out my right arm and I masked my eating with trying to hide my handicap if everyone saw the weight first. I was also molested by my best friends brother when I was 6 years old. I still have trouble getting past that, I feel that I was robbed being a little girl.. Once again I thought growing up that I could hide myself by gaining weight and people woud see the fat instead of me. I guess I was trying to hide what people couldn't even see. I have a husband who has no idea of my past, I have kept it hidden a long, long time. I believe that some of my past is causing some of my marriage problems. I has a miscarriage and then a hysterectomy again another pity party. I feel that I failed in some way. I would love to adopt and fulfill my life but I need to fix me before anything else. I want to learn how to love myself, deal with the issues I have. I want to deal with and bury and make a change for good. I want to know that I can look good from the inside out. I put on a really good front that I am happy but I am not. I am not sure what one thing triggers me to eat, cry have a pitty party, Etc. I know that there are support groups out there but unfortunatly everthing has a price tag. But I am hoping that with this journey and meeting my new support group I can get the support and maybe some insite on how to acheive this new challenge I have embarked on. I believe that I was suppose to watch Bill's show. It was a sign.... and signs are overlooked no more.

First, you have a support group here, an amazing one as a matter of fact, and there is no cost....so stick close to us!!

Second, I give you major credit for stepping out, right away and sharing some very difficult things with us. I know that wasn't easy, but I also know it was one of the best things you could have done. It is a very important step forward in your Transformation process. You will find that you are not alone.

And third, I relate to MUCH of what you have written here. I want you to know that through hard work, facing those demons, and finding FORGIVENESS, that you can find peace and happiness within you and within your marriage. You need to know that what was done to you as a child was NOT your fault and that you should no longer have to pay the price for their wrong doing. Set yourself free and allow yourself to live...you have hurt long enough.

I'd like to work with you on your Transformation if you are interested. We can talk more about the things that I have gone through in my Transformation and how I was able to find peace and leave the past in the past.

YOUR IN THE RIGHT PLACE! hang in there and move forward, i was 220,its taken a while but im 120.00 have been for a few years, i know i could slide back,but if your moving forward,and helping others THATS THE KEY! YOU SISTER SHARON

Getting past the past ... good question.

By example, Bill has supported anyone going through something to take the time they need - some of the most supportive words I've heard. It reminds me of something I was told years ago when asking a similar question - when can I put this behind me?! The response was "The only way to the other side is 'through' it"

For me, going 'through' it rather than attacking it or avoiding it, helped me come to a place of acceptance - the past cannot be changed. Then I was able to let it go.

The reality is that life deals us more than one hand in adversity - and each time, going through it helps me get to the other side where I don't have to have it festering or distorting my world.

No matter what, I - like you - like all of us - have a purpose to grow and be a part of something much bigger than us! Stepping into that 'something bigger' helps me accept that adversity has made me stronger and able to lend a hand BECAUSE of what I went 'through'!

There is an increased awareness on the other side, and a readiness to make a difference!!

Love
MaryPat

Hi Kassibear,
There are a lot of good words for you here. The good news is the answers are SO simple, and we all already know them . The bad news is implementing them is very hard. For example, waht does it take to lose weight and get healthy? Its simple: exercise and proper nutrition (i.e., good old diet and exercise). We all know that its true, and we also all know that it is the only way to lose weight and get healthy. So, why don't more people do it? Why does it take most of us more than 1 try to achieve success? Why do we relapse so often? That answer is simple too: DOING is hard work. So when we say all you need to do is let it go, that is absolutely true, but everyone here recognizes how hard the work is to learn how to let go. But again, there is good news. Once you learn how to let go it becomes easier to do, and there is no doubt that you can overcome anything once you learn how to let go.

Keep working on it and always know we love you and we're here to support you however you need.

Cousinmark