So many great responses!
People fear change. That idea is nothing new. For instance - you pass up the morning donuts at the office. A coworker, witnessing your decision, may have an extreme reaction. She may wave it under your nose to tempt you, or make a sarcastic remark about dieting. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Your husband may feel threatened by your change. He may fear any number of things - that you will be more attractive to the opposite sex, that you won't need him, or that the healthy choices you are making are really a silent criticism of his habits and choices. The only way to find out is to talk about it. It may not be comfortable, but letting things fester is worse. It sounds like you have realized that already.
Families, and other "groups" that we belong to, have unwritten rules. The most obvious one is, "Don't rock the boat." The status quo must be maintained, or the group is threatened. Even if the change is a good one, there is pressure from the group, whose members don't want things to change. Whether it is the nuclear family, the bowling team, your coworkers, - the unwritten rules are mostly the same. About the only place where that rule doesn't apply is in here!
I guess one of the things that I would tell new transformers is to expect resistance pretty much everywhere. (that would probably scare them off, though!) The society we live in is one that is physically sick and in denial. Anyone who "wakes up" and decides to make things better is swimming against the tide.
I really didn't mean for this post to sound so negative! I hope it isn't taken in that spirit. Just food for thought.
Robin

Just wanted to say thanks.All most everyone i know is supportive in what i am doing.Guys at work are even eating better and grabbing the gym gear.At home its different,my girlfriend is bothered about the way i eat and the time i spend working on me.Thanks for the insight,in something that was bothering me.I think everyone is doing great

Everybody is doing their own thing these days, spouses and family included. We should put focus on the things we can do together, but we should not give up on the things we need to do, such as religion and the transformation.

Bobbi

my husband's support is not one of these problems, my husband is being super supportive to the point of egging me on if I don't run, asking when I need to do legs or arms, etc. He is trying hard to encourage portion size and correct foods. He eats what I eat for the most part. What I can't seem to get done is portion types. He will sweetly make dinner but it will be with white rice instead of brown or two large a portion or the incorrect mix of portions.... He is trying so hard this reply is more of a kudos, but I get frustrated with a "screwed up" meal and I SHOULDN'T .
The real point is that at first he didn't know what to make of this either. now he has joined and posted and is being so encouraging.. and don't worry about who will be supportive, because it becomes amazingly obvious once you start.

my supporters
SEAN
angela
dj
my mom ( shocking really she used to send me cotton candy!!)
theresa
lynn
pam
steve
melissa
tj
kim
cassidy
carol
everyone on t-com
janette
marylynn
beca
wendi
peter

It's hard to say that this is a great thread only in that ALL of the threads are great and I learn so much from each of them!

I have never been married so I can't say that I relate to what you're talking about. But I do know lack of support from the loved ones that I expect should be there for me.

What I learned from being on here is:

~ I had unrealistic expectations on everyone else around me that they should act the way that I thought they should act. And, when they didn't I took it personally and then got mad with them and let it burn inside of me. Then I held it against them that they didn't listen to me! Then the negative self talk starts....nobody cares about what I say...nobody respects me...blah blah blah. Well yeah they didn't because I didn't give them reason to...in the past!
~ I thought I could change them and "help" them be better people or choose to eat in a more healthy way...or talk in a more encouraging way. But, I really have no control whatsoever over what they choose to do or how they choose to live their lives. I only have control over how I respond to what they do...and how I choose to live my life. Everything else is truly wasted energy that I could be using on myself to change. When I am the change...then my hope is to inspire others to be the same.
~ Being an alcoholic...I knew that nobody could help me no matter how much they tried to control my drinking. I had to want to quit on my own. NOBODY could do this for me. Everybody had their remarks, comments, looks, disgusted glances...etc. But I think that made me want to drink more...as a way of saying too bad...I'll do it my way on my time! The bottomline is....nobody could do it for me, I had to want it bad enough to do it for myself. That's the same way with this change/transformation. I can't make anybody else do it so I just take care of my side of the street and keep working on myself...the rest will follow.
~ Let go and Let God!

Sometimes as I go through my assignments and my days, I'm still puzzled as to why I have to come on here at T.com to find love, support and encouragement from people I've never met! This is where I get what I need! Why can't I get it from the ones that are SUPPOSED to love me unconditionally? Well....I suppose in a PERFECT world that would happen but honestly....rarely do I see it play out that way. Besides, who wants perfect? That gives us nothing to work for...and nothing to learn from. As for me...on this site at T.com and in this challenge, I'm loving learning about my imperfections and growing. I hope you experience the same!

Quote:

Originally Posted by This_is_it_2009 I've been looking for a place to find support, experience and great advice for someone who's wanting to transform but her spouse is on the negative side of yo-yos. I've gained and lost, and gained and lost so many times that my husband doesn't expect me to change or make it permanent. How do I convince him that this is it? Or ensure my confidence that it is a permanent change to transform. (I've always thought it was the last time before of course.) I know that one of the main things I need to learn how to do this time, is to let his comments not effect me so greatly. This is such a huge amount of support here, that I'm a bit lost trying to find my way through. Thanks in advance for all the great advice and info that I'm sure will come! - Stephanie

Stephanie,

You need to make yourself the reason for changing! Once you transofrm yourself into the vision that your forsee then your spouse will come around. Each day is a gift! Don't ever forget that! We often take our lives for granted and let each day evaporate without making the most of it.

Stay focused and do the assignments and wrap yourself in your worksouts. You will be so please with the end result.

GGBATS

The solution to this problem is simple,not easy, but simple. It's hard to maintain positive vision when we place so much importance on how others view or perceive us. I recently read a simple, to the point passage in the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz ( one of so many teachings in line with the Transformation we seek ) it's The Second Agreement;
Truth : Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won,t be the victim of needless suffering.

Wow-It is nice to know I am not the only one. My husband does not support it and actually tried to get me to quit. He was jealous about the time I spend online, to which I explained over and over the benefits of the transformation process and the safeness of being on T.com. He calmed down-but still is probably not happy. But I have to do what I have to do and it is unfortunate that he does not support it or want to join-
I agree with a lot of the others-I don't try to sell it to people -I just do it-and let the results speak for themselves,

unfortunately I'm at a point in my relationship (not married but have been in long term committed relationship for the past 5+ years) where I feel I need to take a step back from taking care of his needs and focus on myself. I do feel like part of the reason I am where I am now is due to being in a co-dependent relationship. I need to find this transformation on my own and if it leads me back to this man that's been in my life - then so be it - all for the better. But if it doesn't then I know that the better person that I have come to be has needed something more from a partner then I've been getting.

I can say though that I do have full support of my 8 year old son -which has been great. I told him what I am doing and even though the first few weeks he moaned and groaned about having to go to the gym everyday - he's finally gotten into the swing of things and now he just comes without complaints. He's also the one I have take my photos.....I tell him I'm sorry that I ask him to do this for me and he's like " It's fine mom - I don't care" I told him that he's my helper and that I need his support and he gives it to me freely with open arms. What a blessing he has always been in my life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lil Wow-It is nice to know I am not the only one. My husband does not support it and actually tried to get me to quit. He was jealous about the time I spend online, to which I explained over and over the benefits of the transformation process and the safeness of being on T.com. He calmed down-but still is probably not happy. But I have to do what I have to do and it is unfortunate that he does not support it or want to join- I agree with a lot of the others-I don't try to sell it to people -I just do it-and let the results speak for themselves,

lil - I can relate. Although my ex really tried to make me feel like he was supportive - when it came down to it I could tell when...I had been on the computer too long. It's just a transitioning period for them. They'll have to deal with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by michaeldwyer The solution to this problem is simple,not easy, but simple. It's hard to maintain positive vision when we place so much importance on how others view or perceive us. I recently read a simple, to the point passage in the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz ( one of so many teachings in line with the Transformation we seek ) it's The Second Agreement; Truth : Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won,t be the victim of needless suffering.

great point, and quote. thanks for sharing

As the wife of someone (stingraystripe) who has been working out and eating well for years I felt left out. (IT always has been my choice...after all, I was busy being preggo (3 times) in the last 8 years haha) Anyway, I have always made excuses for not wanting to workout and eating right. I realized that I was jealous of his success but, at the same time not willing to put the effort into making the necessary committment for change.

I would encourage anyone who is on t-com and taking the challenge to 100% involve their spouse, from the beginning. It has been a great tool in growing our relationship. And I think to truely be able to open yourself to the challenge and the ideas you would have to involve your spouse.

I have read several posts about members who have a jealous spouse and members that have spouse who has issues with them being on t-com.....I would just say that keeping t-com from them will only add to the jealous feelings and be a source of tension not a source of joy. After all , shouldn't you share everything with your spouse?

Keep your communication open and honest with your spouse....Find the positive in them, after all you married them...there must be something good there!! ;> Share with them first.... :>

Thank you it was great to read each of these responses it help to see from other point of view both men and women. I have started and stopped so many times. I guess those around are just think that it is a phase.
As reply to only way is to just do it and continue to do it for your self. Each day is like a mist that goes away and does not come again.

Thank you for your posts everyone. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. It's not so much that my husband isn't supportive, he just doesn't understand why I need this or why I spend time doing it because he doesn't have a weight problem or issues with his self-image. I know that with threads like these and with the help of everyone in this community we can all transform and become the people we know we are meant to be! Keep up the good work!!!

~Smiles~ MissM

Remember that getting in shape is first for yourself. My wife loves me whatever I look like. It is what is inside that matters. I missed this challenge so I have started BFL and Sunday will be two weeks. My wife has been very supportive. Been tought but have done very well and have made great strides. Good luck to all and God bless! Joseph

I too wanted SUPPORT and everyone to show their love for me by holding my hand and going on this journey with me. I have been "dieting" for 24 years and have not gone anywhere but UP! My husband is thin and physically fit, my family members do not struggle with weight, so at 295 pounds I feel alone a lot.

my advice is the same I am giving myself....take everyone else out of the equation and focus on yourself. Don't take care of yourself for people to notice, do it so you can be healthy. You are strong and powerful. I used to thank my weight trainer for my weight loss...he taught me how to do the workout but I DID IT! When you keep doing he will notice....because YOU will be happier!