I have always struggled with weight but never been this over weight.I got pregnant and had a rough miscarriage in late march of 2005 which left me with some postpartum depression enough so that I actually was hospitalized for one night , My father my best friend and mentor would talk with me send me helpful emails even though he lived 1700 miles away literally days after coming home from the hospital he was killed In a bad car accident. My father was killed in april 2005 and my mother trapped with him thus making her mentally ill. Devestated was not enough of a word to explain the loss of my best friend. my mom's illness and string of 5 suicide attempts( shooting overdose electricution) kept me in Maryland a year .Taking on a role of being encharge of all of ther properties and corperation that was in need of closing down . This was hard me being the baby I never really grew up and had never had to take care of much.The things that followed were crazy they buried dad in the wrong place we had to rebury him , family members were stealing my dads tools , on and on all the while mom is getting sicker and sicker to my shock when I returned home( after a year of desperatly trying to save my parents lifes work my mother life) my husband of that time in colorado I found him to have started using drugs and alcohol in a big way and cheating on me. I had to make him leave ,I had a son to protect.So I went through the divorce. Food unfortunately became my comfort. Finally the dust has settled and i found love again got married my mom is stable enough and lives with me and my son is starting to recover from the hell we had to live through.To my horror in my happy moments as I looked at my wedding pictures , oh no what's happened to me how terrible. what have i done to my self.I realized how bad I look after gaining all this weight. Now it's time to take care of me , I am gonna save Dawn, I deserve it, It will make me a better everything, I gained 65 pounds in 4 years, already being a bit over weight to start with.

Now like the beautiful imagery of spiraling into darkness as we move from summer solstice to winter solstice as the nights grow longer and longer with dark.
I now get the privelege of sprialling back out toward the light like we do from winter solstice to summer solstice as the days grow longer and longer with light.
Any body else had one disaster after another ? I really still am waiting for the other shoe to drop, feelings of impending doom that I never had until this string of tragety .I'm really trying to change this mindset, this mind set holds me back.

Dawn...i just want to hug you.
i have had some bad things happen...but not like yours.
i do understand the pain and disappointment of those feelings you express.

BOY O BOY AM I GLAD YOU ARE HERE!!
i do believe with all my heart that you are here for a reason and have over 12,000 new friends here to support you and cheer you on to restoring your WHOLE BEING to health and wholeness...and as a ripple effect...touch your son and family...

Do the assignments...take your time and let some of them DO YOU....let the water filter down thru the dried soil and rocks and reach your soul.
18 weeks....not so long from now....you can...and WILL be...a much more fulfilled and peaceful, joyful person.

welcome to Transformation!
Grace and Peace to you
Divorce, abuse, trauma, mental illness, stress, brokenness all do NOT have the last word on who Dawn is!
....God has the last word...Love, Mercy and Healing and Beauty.

Dawn,
Thanks for being here and deciding to create a better life for yourself! You are awesome and I send you lots of love and positive thoughts! Let me know if I can support you in any way!

You do deserve to do this for yourself Dawn. I'm thinking great thoughts for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers too.

I've dealt with some of the "stuff" too. And I know that it is overwhelming at times. But it will be ok. I'm glad the light is coming back too.

Take care of you.

El

Dawn,
There is a ton of energy in this passage that you wrote. It amazes me how resilient people are when they need it most. I am grateful to see that you can turn your energy in towards yourself. That is encouraging and inspiring. You are an amazing lady with amazing experiences and I would almost bet that there are those of us out here that can or did relate to where you are at ;O)
I will keep you in my prayers at the chapel today and light a candle for you and for your family in strength. Someone told me once that being the best I can be is the best we can be for someone else. You hit that right on the nose with your passage above. What makes us stronger........I think thats how it goes.....sounds like you have undeniable strength, will and determination and are making that CHOICE. Thank you for sharing so deeply and motivating me to get off my butt and take care of myself and my brothers and sisters around me. Peace and strength each day :O)

Dawn, even your NAME says it - "here comes the sun...." - Don't let the lies about you or your God discourage you. The TRUTH IS, He loves you, and you are worth re-creating, healing, changing for the better. KNOW each day that as you learn from this website, dig deep into yourself and admit, then forgive, you WILL find help. Go for it, girl. The rewards are incredible. Much love and hugs - Johnnie Lorren

Dawn,
I'm so glad your here. i just know your adversity will bring to you to a place of understanding and true transformation! Keep up the hard work.... I know you can do this!
Traci

Dawn - we are all here for you and love you! You can do this!

I think you are positively beautiful! Thank you for sharing your story and for coming here to T.com. I will keep you in my prayers and cheer you on towards a marvelous transformation full of love, strength, courage and all things good.

Love and hugs,
Ashley

Dawn, I am so sorry for the loss of your father and the health issues your Mom has suffered as a result of the accident. You indeed have had a myriad of situations to deal with but you are here now. My son died July 4, 2007 of an accidental drug overdose. He was 20, my only child and the love of my life. I think when we go through grief it's all we can do to put one step in front of the other. You had so much to deal with and food was a comfort. It was to me as well and so I'm joining you in this journey to lose all the weight I gained during this time. You are a survivor to have come through all you have. I'll be praying for you and routing you on through your transformation. Hugs to you!! Susie Hall

Dawn, be sure to listen to Bill's radio broadcast that was recorded a couple nights ago (Thursday) - I think it will inspire you. Have a blessed week-end.

Dawn- I am so sorry to hear about your pain and loss. I can relate. 2 Uncles, 1 aunt and grandmother (from my father's side) died and my father and mother lost their jobs, I had major breakdowns, I had a foot injury and had to give up Irish dancing that I did for 14 years and this happened within a 3 year time period. I started college completely broken, in dispair and just wanted to die everyday. In college, I tried to be my own doctor with my anti-depressents, turned to alcohol, was raped, was sexually harrassed by a psychologist, skipped eating meals, had two awful breakups, had alcohol poisoning, and overdosed and was in a hospital for less than a month. After getting out the of the hospital, and graduating college, I went to Ireland for 2 months try to take a break from life and do some soul-searching. I later moved to Boston and it just seemed that things were finally working out, however, I started dating the wrong men and then I had to go to the E.R. four times in 5 days before the doctors finally kept me. The doctors then found that I was not really lying about my symptoms and realized I had, all at the same time, a pulmonary embolism (I never smoked), kidney stones, and had to get my gallbladder out. I was put on so many meds..painkillers, etc, and got involved in an abusive, controlling relationship where the guy was doing drugs (I never did illegal drugs and never before dated anyone doing drugs) I'm lucky I had a great friends\ that got me out of the situation b/c I don't know if I would be alive today if it wasn't for them. So I can totally relate.
I was lucky I had a great family that was their to support me even with awful decisions I made, b/c I'd be lost without them. I tried to surround myself with positive people, positive books and movies b/c negativity just drags you down even more and tried to remain positive. I do not buy or read magazines, watch the news, watch violent, scary movies. I tried not to bring up my negative past or if I did...I turned it around to a positive one because if I hadn't gone through all I have...I wouldn't be with tthe most wonderful man today. And for once in my life...I am happy.
Don't think that the shoe is going to drop...the more you think like that the more it is going to happen. And if the shoe does drop...you'll be better prepared b/c you've been through the rough times and youll be better prepared on how to handle such situations. You should try reading the book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. There is a movie out there based on it which is really good...see if you can find that. ( I know it's on Nexflix). Try to focus on positivity

Dawn,I am very sorry for the lost of your dad,and you mom,your baby.My baby died and I got so depressed that almost died.Years later my dad died,my husband and me split and I got laid off.I can feel your pain,later the same like you I looked comfort in good and I gained a lot of weight .

I will sugest the same that queen read "The Secret" and see the movie they are good.

I am doing better now and thank you for sharing these stories , It took time to heal this stuff and the secret has healed alot along with reading Dr. Wayne Dyer, I dropped out of transformation but only now feel like I am ready to succeed, My mom is doing quite well now and I am really trying to focus on the results my efforts and thoughts will make , I realize I am not the only one that troubles have come too and it takes real strenghth to florish and be beautiful , I am in a much better place than when I first wrote this , I was like a candle in the wind , I felt helpless to the winds od change , I am learning now to raise my sails and sail the winds of grace and go to places that I want to be, accepting the things I can not change along the way,

It is so great to read your update and that you are in a more positive place. I am also happy to hear that your mom is doing better. I can only imagine if I lost my hubby the state I would be in. He is so much of my life. Thank you for sharing with us. Now, lets take the tools Bill provides here and make some healthy, happy, positive changes and reach our goals! You can do it!! Look what you've already overcome!