Feeling awful...feeling like that girl again on my before picture and all those words from our first transformation assignment. Haven't been exercising...haven't been eating right...

Why do I do this every time??? How come we are so hard on ourselves? When we screw up and make bad choices...how come all of those old negative patterns come flooding back? Why can't I stop messing up? I'm better than this...I know I'm better than this...Why does one bad choice screw up the whole plan?

Got to get back on track...got to move past this - but I'm having difficulty. I'm not looking for pity - I really need some advice from someone who's been there...who's fallen off the wagon and struggled to keep moving forward.

I am fortunate that most things in life have come easy for me. School, work, etc... I have a feeling this change isn't going to be easy for me - that my mind/ego is going to fight me tooth & nail all the way. My signature says Just DECIDE...and BE the Change - I know this is what I must do. I have a long way to cross the Abyss...I may be crossing it for many years to come.

Help & thanks

Julie, I ALWAYS struggle. It seems every few weeks, I have to push myself through an imaginary wall and, like Dorie from Shark Tale says, "Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swim-ming, swim-ming, swim-ming..."

When those feelings/images come into your mind, say out loud, "NO!" and move FORWARD, toward your goals. Visualize those goals and push everything else out of the way.

Gosh, honey, I hope that helps some.

Email anytime... I'll do my best to lift you back onto this wagon!

Something I learned shortly after the first Transformation exercise REALLY helped me. I am the type of person who tends to be a perfectionist. Because of this I often place exceedingly high expectations on myself and can be equally hard on myself when I fall short. Here's what I learned...FORGIVENESS. Simple concept...all of us have forgiven someone who has hurt us. "To err is human, to forgive divine." Well I sat down with a pencil and paper in hand, and wrote down everything I could think of in my life that I needed to forgive myself for. It was a LONG list...and as I turned the third page I realized something incredible. I had been carting around all this baggage for A LONG LONG time. I mean, these were things that most of the people in my life would be hard pressed to even remember. But I remembered them all...and I was carrying around this negative energy and pain. When I finished I felt this amazing sense of relief and lightness. The next night, before bed I went through my day and forgave myself for the things I thought I could have done better...be more patient, eat leaner...work out longer...etc. By the 5th day my focus at the end of the day when I reviewed things had shifted to the things I had done WELL! My point is twofold...find it in your heart and make it part of your routine to FORGIVE yourself and try not to be so hard on yourself. We all have challenges and we all fall short of our goals and expectations sometimes. IT'S OK NOT TO BE PERFECT! And forgiving yourself when you aren't perfect will build you up for the next challenge instead of tearing you down. It's made a difference for me! YOU CAN SUCCEED AT THIS CHALLENGE! GOOD LUCK!!!

Julie,

Indeed old habits are hard to break! Here is my recommendation for you..

Get some index cards...right now the top 5(or however many) reasons you want to change..all that on a card...take another card and write some self-affirmations of why you are worth it....take another card and write down how you can change your response when something negative happens...

lots of cards...I know...I have several in my purse that I carry with me and my top5 reasons for changing posted on my computer so I see it daily.

Changing the mental/emotional aspect is very difficult..it is hard and many are afraid to face themselves in all their inperfections..

it's ok...we all have fear of failing...but what I fear more is not trying and then I'll never know what I could have been...

Keep the faith girl!

stephanie

Hi Julie--
Seems like a lot of focus on the before. Take out the after exercise. Do whatever it takes to plug into the feelings of that. This requires imagination, but you can do it. Spend time with this envisioning often throughout the day- a minute will work wonders. It's the tool that got me across the abyss.
The affirmation cards Stephanie recommended will help you a lot too, I'm sure.
Lastly, do one thing in the next minute or so that will contribute to a positive feeling about this. Then do something else a few minutes later. Repeat often! It's baby steps that add up.

Thanks to everyone who responded to my previous post/blog. I see why Bill calls this a family - we are all here for eachother to support one another. It's beautiful and very moving.

So, here I am - sitting behind my desk at work and being in the present moment - not letting the pain of the past confuse me or define me...not letting the work of the future overwhelm me...just being in the now. It feels peaceful...probably more peaceful than I have felt in a long time.

Being here allows me clearer perspective on what my intentions are - why I am choosing to alter my life. I love who I am...I love my life and all the people in it. I want to continue to grow and I feel that today I've taken a huge step onto the bridge of the abyss. You know...I do have a fear of heights so I will not be looking down...I will not be looking back...I will not be looking anywhere but directly ahead of me and with each step forward I will be in the present moment, moving towards the person that already exists underneath it all.

So today begins the journey of 1,000 miles...and I have now taken the first step.

I am truly Blessed..

Julie - I've always quit...but because I was raised that I was never worth fighting for. So now I"m fighting for my own life. What I notice is making a HUGE difference this time around is not only my heart and will/desire to change. But also the planning. If I don't plan for the next day then I will not stay on track. I make time the night before to plan out what time I'm getting up...working out...what I'm doing on my workout....what I'll eat and the times...and I make a task list so by the end of the day I can see what I accomplished. It's a wonderful feeling.

But be good to yourself ok. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Be consistent ;-)

I'm here for you if you need me.

Don't forget, too, the other part of the first Transformation assignment - the 12 words for After, and the description you want to see which we wrote in the rectangle. I look at that second sheet and it reminds me to move in THAT direction instead of wallowing in the first words.

The "old me" would do X, but the "transformed" me would do Y - now what can I do different to be more Y? Then I do it - before I change my mind!!!!! Small victories are wonderful!!!!

I'm a strong believer in that you, me, everyone has the power to choose our thoughts.

Your statement "I have a feeling this change isn't going to be easy for me" leads to part of the struggle you are having. A negative belief system. Doesn't have to be that way. You can choose to think that or not. Not one is telling you or saying you must feel that way, right? You feed that thinking into your subconcious and it takes it as FACT and will do it's utmost to provide support and be a guiding force to support that thought or "command". Instead.. feed your subconcious a different program. Something that forces positive action. Act as if. "Every day, I am creating a better stronger me!!" with enthusiasm.. every morning and night. Then your subconcious mind will take that as a command to help move you forward with action that supports it.

Feed your mind a positive program. Quickly dismiss any negative thoughts. They aren't part of your training plan. :-)

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Originally Posted by BellaBellaSher Julie - I've always quit...but because I was raised that I was never worth fighting for. So now I"m fighting for my own life. What I notice is making a HUGE difference this time around is not only my heart and will/desire to change. But also the planning. If I don't plan for the next day then I will not stay on track. I make time the night before to plan out what time I'm getting up...working out...what I'm doing on my workout....what I'll eat and the times...and I make a task list so by the end of the day I can see what I accomplished. It's a wonderful feeling. But be good to yourself ok. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Be consistent ;-) I'm here for you if you need me.

AWESOME - you know I know this is how I am too. LOL - fail to plan and plan to fail, right?

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Originally Posted by BlueAngel34 Don't forget, too, the other part of the first Transformation assignment - the 12 words for After, and the description you want to see which we wrote in the rectangle. I look at that second sheet and it reminds me to move in THAT direction instead of wallowing in the first words. The "old me" would do X, but the "transformed" me would do Y - now what can I do different to be more Y? Then I do it - before I change my mind!!!!! Small victories are wonderful!!!!

Yes - I need to really concentrate on that "after" image. I like the idea of thinking about what the transformed me will do! Thank you so much for this!! I'll be doing this daily!

Quote:

Originally Posted by imzwact I'm a strong believer in that you, me, everyone has the power to choose our thoughts. Your statement "I have a feeling this change isn't going to be easy for me" leads to part of the struggle you are having. A negative belief system. Doesn't have to be that way. You can choose to think that or not. Not one is telling you or saying you must feel that way, right? You feed that thinking into your subconcious and it takes it as FACT and will do it's utmost to provide support and be a guiding force to support that thought or "command". Instead.. feed your subconcious a different program. Something that forces positive action. Act as if. "Every day, I am creating a better stronger me!!" with enthusiasm.. every morning and night. Then your subconcious mind will take that as a command to help move you forward with action that supports it. Feed your mind a positive program. Quickly dismiss any negative thoughts. They aren't part of your training plan. :-)

You are absolutely 100% correct! I'm sure this is why thing went negatively in the past - because I, myself was in a negative space. Bill really has it right - working on becoming who we know we are from the inside out - THAT is the true key!

Thank you again!

Julie ~ Sometimes we think about it too much also. Try not think about it and JUST DO IT!! That is my favorite saying and when I start to get negative or eat something I shouldn't have, I try to just get right back on track. Don't wait for the next day, do at the next meal!

YOU CAN DO THIS!! We are all here for you, wanting you to succeed!!

Thinking about you today and hoping that today is a great, strong, KIS day!


PS ~ Planning is the key. That is where I have some probs also, but when I do plan, I do awesome!!

Sometimes it's a minute by minute choice. For example when I quit drinking. I had to make smart choices not to put myself in a position where I would be tempted. If someone was having a BBQ and I knew there'd be margarita's and wine (I was a total wine snob)...instead of me thinking I'm missing out on all the fun, I would instead make other plans to do something with someone who loved me and supported me (my daughter) and have our own fun...like to go the mall or salon and have mani/pedi's together. I felt so much better for taking care of myself and protecting myself from temptation.

Today on my way home from the salon I was tempted to go to one of my favorite burrito haunt's....because we were both hungry and when we're hungry we're weak. I even mentioned it to my daughter....why don't we go grab one of our favorite burrito's? Let's be bad!

It sounded so FUN! LET'S BE BAD! LET'S BE NAUGHTY GIRLS! But then I remembered to be good to myself. So I immediately told her no...that's not a smart choice. Let's go home and I'll make us a real good chicken wrap with romaine lettuce, tomato's, cucumber, roasted peppers with salsa dressing. Mmmmm it was so much better tasting!

My point in all this, is it's a minute by minute choice. One step at a time. One day at a time. Try not to look at the huge overall picture or mountain we have to conquer. Little steps help you to reward yourself and feel better about yourself.

It works for me and I'm making leaps and bounds in my progress ;-)

Love you!

((( hugs )))

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Originally Posted by BellaBellaSher Sometimes it's a minute by minute choice. For example when I quit drinking. I had to make smart choices not to put myself in a position where I would be tempted. If someone was having a BBQ and I knew there'd be margarita's and wine (I was a total wine snob)...instead of me thinking I'm missing out on all the fun, I would instead make other plans to do something with someone who loved me and supported me (my daughter) and have our own fun...like to go the mall or salon and have mani/pedi's together. I felt so much better for taking care of myself and protecting myself from temptation. Today on my way home from the salon I was tempted to go to one of my favorite burrito haunt's....because we were both hungry and when we're hungry we're weak. I even mentioned it to my daughter....why don't we go grab one of our favorite burrito's? Let's be bad! It sounded so FUN! LET'S BE BAD! LET'S BE NAUGHTY GIRLS! But then I remembered to be good to myself. So I immediately told her no...that's not a smart choice. Let's go home and I'll make us a real good chicken wrap with romaine lettuce, tomato's, cucumber, roasted peppers with salsa dressing. Mmmmm it was so much better tasting! My point in all this, is it's a minute by minute choice. One step at a time. One day at a time. Try not to look at the huge overall picture or mountain we have to conquer. Little steps help you to reward yourself and feel better about yourself. It works for me and I'm making leaps and bounds in my progress ;-) Love you! ((( hugs )))

Excellent advice BellaBellaSher, I think that we all can learn from this example. Thanks for sharing that with us. Also, thanks for the yummy lunch idea!