There are so many wonderful people on Tcom that have overcome addiction, or are working towards that goal. But are there people out there that are on the flip side of this? My Hombre is an alcoholic, and since I've started Transformation, things seem better to me. But is this only because I'm improving how I handle this situation because I'm evolving from a shrieking shrew to a more calm person? We still have our moments when his drinking just pushes me over the edge, and I revert to the blame game. And that's when I think that I'm only fooling myself. That I'm sticking my head in the sand, and by not actually addressing the issue, I fool myself into thinking it's getting better. I have attended one Al-Anon meeting, and if felt so great to be in a room of like-minded people, that are living with the same issues/circumstances. I have located meetings to go to, but I just haven't taken the step to go. At the moment, things at home are ok, even though he's still drinking. He just hasn't gotten drunk to the point where it pisses me off, and I lose it (not for a couple of weeks anyway).

I guess what I'm asking is if you live in a similar situation, has going through Transformation helped enough without going to Al-Anon classes? I'm afraid that by starting to go to the meetings, this will piss Hombre off and then...then...what? He'll be mad at me? He will feel betrayed? I dunno. Ah-ha...see what I put there? I said "I'm afraid!" Why am I afraid? Yeah, things could get worse between us, but only for a short while right?

I would appreciate any feedback, or stories of how you have coped with something like this. Maybe I just need to feel that I'm not the only one going through this. Thank you!

~Maria

You know the answer... so just do it. Is that trite? I think not. Alcoholics know the answer is not drinking and Al-Anoners know the answer isn't to have the alky 'sober'. My experience is it's an inside job. The solution, your solution, is inside- buried in I guess guilt, self loathing, excuses and the core being SELF. At least that is what I found to be true for me.
Al-Anon as you know isn't classes but a way of life- just like the mission of T.com. It is a way of life lived ODAAT.
The Steps are not penalities. The are the path to freedom.

Maria,

When I was lost in the bottom of a bottle I knew deep down that I was an alcoholic and that I needed help. Even when others would try to help me it was painful to listen to… it wasn’t until my wife asked me to get help… did the process of recovers begin… Today almost a year sober I look back and thank everyone that had the courage to confront me with the truth. I have been to about 200 AA meeting and most of the people in there were twisted in some way to attend... either by a spouse… friends... family members... the law… etc… Go with your heart helping an alcoholic is not easy…. Living with one for ever is harder…

Much care and good intentions sent to you from me…

Chris Winters

Maria, so glad to have found you...I also live with an alcoholic. When he is sober, he is a loving husband, wonderful father, loyal friend, etc... Almost four years ago (to this date) he entered into rehab to face his addiction. Yes, Al-Anon has helped me. Also, rallying your support system and taking care of YOU will make you stronger. The path that we are on does not end with sobriety. This illness is ongoing and relapse is almost always inevitable. I am returning to Al-Anon because he is in the midst of a full-blown relapse. However, I am not that crazy person anymore and joining the Transformation Challenge has helped to keep me focused on...you got it...me. Not his drinking, not his pain, not his personal demons. It is called detaching with love. I hope to chat more with you. It seems appropriate that I found you today. Take care of yourself. And, thank you for sharing.