In 2001 I took the BLG challenge and lost 20 lbs of fat and gained 8 pounds of muscle. All in twelve weeks. It seemed so easy back then when I only had two kids and my addictions were not so unmanageable.


Now in 2008, and since being in recovery for 3 years, I can't seem to get back in shape. I started training for a marathon 2 years ago and got injured. When the orthopedic doctor said no more running, I was emotionally devastated.


2007 was the roughest year of my life. My wife and I were in an in-house separation during the last half of her pregnancy with our 4th child. After our daughter was born I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of another child. I relapsed in in my sex addiction and went to treatment for 30 days. When I got back my wife and I were officially separated and I stayed with a friend from the fellowship.



One revelation I received at treatment was that I was also a drug addict because of my attachment and affinity for Benzos (Ativan, Xanax, Valium, etc.) I was also pounding down hydrocodone (Vicodin) and oxycodone (oxycontin) whenever I could get my hands on them. In June 2008 I moved back in my house, but not back in the bedroom. One step at a time. A lot of trust has to be rebuilt between my wife and me. And it's great being back in the house with my kids, except for my 14 year old soon, which is a totally different story.


My recent relapse was with drugs because I desperately wanted to stay sober sexually. I felt like I needed to medicate my feelings, because I just didn't want to feel anything anymore. I was tired of doing things that hurt my wife and put my own life at risk, but ultimately, if I get high I'm going to act out sexually. So 4 weeks later I'm still trying to stay clean and sober without much success. I've started my step work back over at step one and working the NA step book instead of SA. I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable.
So that's the real me in a nutshell. Not a pretty sight.

Spend time in that first step my friend - it is key to all that follows. I believe that the steps work, that is what my experience has shown me. Reach out to the people in the fellowship and allow them to help you. Tell the truth like you are doing here. Trust God - remember either God is everything or He is nothing. Once you get that the world makes sense! Thank you for sharing your journey, the honesty is amazing and growth beyond your wildest dreams is coming your way. Let me know if I can ever help. BJ

I agree,,,,,,you know what my advice is though.....! Try it!

the 12 steps ( thorough) from 1-12.....not 12-1 lol.....joke) Let me know how things are going man..

your friend , Bobby

I am glad you have this forum for people. I have struggled with addictions all my life. Everything from drug (clean for 17yrs. now), alcohol and smoking. I get scared that when I start the challenge in Jan. 2009, that I will end up starting up other addictions. Eating is the one that I am most fearful of. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I will definitely be checking in a lot here on my journey.

Well, I believe in the twelve steps, and I certainly believe in NA (clean for two years)...and I can relate with relapse (I could decorate a christmas tree with white keytags!). A sponsee brother of mine struggles with sex addiction, and he was attending SLA meetings for awhile. For him (and this is FOR HIM, maybe not FOR YOU), he found that sticking to the fellowship of NA was easier for him, rather than bouncing between the two groups. In my opinion (not to knock the other fellowship(s), we are all out for the same purpose), NA is cool because it is all inclusive, it doesnt seperate drugs, alchohol, sex, whatever.... it is about the disease of addiction, not its outward manifestations. Like it has already been said, I think the basics always apply....get a sponsor, work your first step (with the sponsor), go to as many meetings as you can (90 and 90 is a magical thing), get a homegroup, and get a commitment. Rarely has there been an addict who failed to stay clean who was actively doing all of the above. Good luck, transformation and recovery can co-exist and its an amazing thing. good luck-

Add that one up to recognizing your triggers list....those feelings may arise again in the future.....no need to react the same way....no need to bring this pain back to yourself again.....be on the watch ...so If these emotions come up again....you can go the other way~~~With love friend....Dan

I commend you for sharing a part of yourself and your very real challenges. It is a sign of commitment in the right direction. As a recovering binge eater and alcoholic I realized that all addiction have three stages… 1. chronic = they get worst if not treated 2. progressive = you must have more of the drug…over time. 3. fatal = the last step is always the same...

I tried for years to stop on my own... telling myself this would be it... for real this time... only to go back. The cycle of shame… it is really a tiresome wheel….

It all changed when I put myself 120% into 12 steps full force... no part-time... but full time and then some overtime into 12 step... 5 days per week for 90 days straight! Then 2 + days per week there after... plus I was taking care of my body and physical health along the way which seems to put everything together… both physically and spiritually... The healthier your body I found the more energy I had to discover my self awareness and spiritual journey...

Much good intentions and love to you my friend…

Chris Winters