I don't even know where to start as I write this. I am not even sure what I need to ask for, but I am alone feeling right now. I so desperately want to perceive myself as strong, as the champion inside that I feel like I have become, but as I sit here, I realize strength does come from recognizing when you can't do it alone...so here I am.

This is not how I wanted to announce this special moment either. It is just what it is though. My daughter, Jaina, as many of your know, is a cancer survivor at the young age of 4 years old. Just on Monday, we got a confirmation that the Make-A-Wish Foundation is granting her wish of being with sea animals by sending her on a 6 day trip to Sea World in San Antonio, TX. Our trip is scheduled for Aug 1 - Aug 6, 2010. I am so grateful for this organization and what they do. Just 10 years when I read Body-for-Life, and Bill shared about the law of reciprocation and talked about MAW, I did send a little check of like $20. I was a private in the Army at the time. I had no idea that I would ever be on the other end of that amazing organization. I never did send Bill a letter to tell him what was started (other than to send in my challenger packet), and what was started Bill, was a seed, a seed of hope that I could change, that I could change the world, and that I would continuing trying (even when I didn't finish what I started), over and over again. So here I am, trying still to just lead the best life I can.

So now that I have finished my Transformation and moving on in my 2nd challenge, I am generally more positive, my outlook is brighter, I see the world with awe, and I just love how I love myself now! It is just so beautiful. However, the reason I am writing all this, is my heart, is still not healed from watching my daughter and my family go through what they did when she got diagnosed with cancer. I thought that I was past it, but I guess it takes more time. The other awesome news I got this week, was that a family here in Louisiana has a fund raising program, and they have selected Jaina as the child and wish they want to sponsor. We again are just so honored, grateful, and blessed by all of this. However, they asked me to write a little story about Jaina and what she has been through so they can hilight the importance of what MAW does. As I am sitting here writing this letter this morning, as I promised to have it to them today...

I am a crying mess. I can't even get to the chemotherapy part of her treatment or her hair falling or not to mention the bowel obstruction that threatened her life part may through her treatment. So, my hands are shaking, and I am so sad. All the while my precious daughter is sitting ear me singing cute little songs. She is so beautiful and so alive. Why is this so hard to do?? My husband is at work, and I just feel lonely I guess. I love you all so much! I hope you all know that. You have gotten me through the last challenge, long distance runs I didn't think I could do, a freakin' half marathon for crying out loud, forgiving my father, forgiving myself, letting go of guilt, getting through my depression without medicine, and yet I have more to ask. Help me through this letter. This letter is very painful. I don't know what else to say.

I am thankful for my daughter and my wonderful husband, I am thankful he is not deployed right now, I am thankful we have a cute, little home, I am thankful for my life, my extended family, my wonderful friends, for Transformation and all of you, I am thankful that all the money raised for Wilm's Tumor has resulted in a treatment that allowed my daughter to survive, I am thankful for the person who donated blood for when she needed a blood transfusion, I am thankful her hair grew back, I am thankful for technology that brings us together, I am thankful that I can cry about this and not hold it in, I am just so thankful for so much. THANK YOU!

With love and light and hope,
With all that I have in my heart,
Kateri

I am going to take break now, and hug my daughter and read her a story!

PS Jaina's website is on my profile page if you want to see her pictures.

Big hugs for you and for Jaina! You've been on such a brave journey together, and I am so glad it seems like a mostly happy one. She is such a light! :-)

Please give Jaina lots of hugs for me too! For now, until I get down to LA to DO it for myself! Love y'all Kateri!

Uncle Dave

Our love and prayers go to you and your family...

Hi Kateri,

It’s understandable that you have both tears of gratefulness and tears of sadness for what you’ve have been through. I’m sure this must be a hard letter for you to write. Thankfully, you can end your letter on a happy note because your daughter survived and is sitting next to you singing cute little songs. Writing the letter may be a blessing for you because you can talk about what you’ve gone through and it may help so many families that are going through the same. So, I do hope it brings you some comfort once you are done.

I’ve heard so many great things about Caring Bridge. I didn’t realize Jania’s website was through them. I enjoyed looking at all your family pics and reading your journal. I was really happy to read she has normal doctor visits now.

I’m so excited about your MAW gift. Have fun at Sea World!

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts...

Thank you everyone!! I can feel the hugs from here. I think what I needed was hugs and to just share. Sometimes I have a hard time really sharing because I want to show that I am doing great, but one thing I learned about many of life's hard things, is that no matter how bad things get, the simplest things like paper cuts, still hurt. No matter how many you have had. Does that make sense?

Vanessa, you are absolutely right, I need to write this out as a processing of all the emotions that are associated with a situation like this. I am going to write more tonight, as I am able, and see how I feel. It seems to that healing is a gradual process - maybe even never completely done with it. The experience and the memories will always be a part of who I am, and each time I remember the feelings, I just have to remember to do like Bill says, FEEL IT FAST and MOVE ON and DO SOMETHING - or something like that!! This time, for me, it will be writing this letter.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, love and hugs!!
Love and light, Kateri

Off to take Jaina to see Elmo on the post here....FUN!!

Sending you lots of energy & love & I also sent you a message as well!

Hugs from OHIO!
Love to you and your family!
Billie

Just tried to called but missed you! Hope you know how loved you are!! Sometimes when we look at those painful moments it allows us to look with more gratitude that you overcame the struggles and the sunshine is back in your lives. We would never appreciate the beauty of perfect weather if there were no some storms at time. {{{HUGS}}}

Hi Kateri, I missed you at the Houston meetup 2 weeks ago, but Andrew told me how special you are, as I'm sure your daughter is. You are definitely not alone in this community. I am sure you are just in awe of what your experience with your daughter has created in your life. I look forward to meeting you!

Kateri - GOD bless you and your family! I know this must have been difficult for you to write - but looking at you little ray of sunshine had to make things feel better. LOVE YOU!

BIG HUGS for you. You and your daughter are NEVER alone. If ya'll need anything just let me know. God Bless you all. I will have you in my prayers!

Calling you now...LOVE YOU!!!

Tracy and I are sending you our love and prayers.

Kateri, Love you so much and will give you a great big hug the next time we meet. We will continue to pray for you and your family. Enjoy the trip, keep praying for recovery, and keep being such a great example for the rest of us. - Denny

Kateri!!!

WOW, girl!! How AMAZING are you??!! I love that you jumped on here to talk about where you were...at that very moment!! SO many people here, to love, support and encourage you!! I LOVE IT!!!

God has a plan...thats for sure. I think is fantastic that MAW has selected your family. Holy smokes...the universal law of reciprocation hard at work, girl!!

You are ALWAYS in my thoughts and prayers and now I can add the rest of your wonderful family to the same list!!! I love that I GET TO share this amazing journey with you!!!

Hugs, love and ENERGY!!!

~Jenn

BIg Hugs from down under -Kim

Much love to you and your family. I am so glad you took the time to reach out ...I know it will help with your healing.

Writing about this is just what you need to help the process...

Holly

(((Sending my love...))) What you write is very understandable. May you find peace as you write out your journey.

Consider yourself in the middle of a major group hug! I pray your writing path leads you to a place of understanding and healing.....