I see how much my thinking affects my life and what a huge challenge it is for me regarding my physical transformation. I have so much to be proud of. I have completely changed my eating patterns since January of this year. I have incorporated regular intense exercise since then as well. I have lost 40 lbs and dropped three pant sizes. What is most difficult to admit is this doesn't mean to me what it should. I don't celebrate these changes in a way that most people would and that scares the hell out of me because I can see how hard that makes it for me and how much it robes me of the joy of today.

My mind focuses on how far I have left to go, the fact that I am not yet in the size I think I should be based on all my efforts, I judged my first 5k time as pathetic really not looking at the fact that I did it and at a pace I never could have just a few short months ago!

What I am told is that this is a choice. What I focus on is my own choice. Why is it so hard for me to celebrate the baby steps? Part of me fears if I do I might get complacent and slow down my effort which will really guarantee "failure". All this anxiety and doubt in me around getting to my goal is adding extra weight (mental weight but heaviness just the same)

I am committed to changing this for myself! I am determined to honor and celebrate the daily steps I take to improve my health and wellbeing. This feels like the greatest challenge for me but so very necessary in order for me to find the peace and joy I am so desperately seeking. The way Bill Phillips puts it is "Let the progress be your reward". Such a simple statement but not so simple for me. This one shift however will change everything for me. If I can learn to appreciate the change and accomplishments no matter how small I will be gifted every step of the way with positive feelings of pride, excitement, and joy.

I think a part of me fears that if I get excited about the little steps then I will never work hard enough to accomplish the "big goals" like running the marathon and loosing 125 lbs! The wise Roberta knows that this is actually opposite. The greatest journies can only be done one step at a time. Learning how to be present in the moments now feeling gratitude and acknowledging the gifts of today creates my future. Not from force or push just a lovely organic process of growth.

Round 2 of Transformation for me is about this issue and I am excited and hopeful about these changes in my thinking.

Roberta, all we perfectionists recognize each other, but we're always so much easier on the next guy/gal. Why is that? I've read through some of you blogs and I am overwhelmed by your spirit! You have the most beautiful spirit! If I ever develop half of what you have, I'll be so blessed. I am in AWE of you. I have 20 extra lbs and I'm to intimidated to run 5ks and 1/2 marathons. You have 100 and you're just doing it. I seriously have to get more into that feel the fear and do it anyway. You have just become my number one inspiration...seriously.

Here you're talking about little steps and I see all the HUGE ones you are making. I don't want to talk you out of your feelings, but you are just amazing. All that aside, what if you just lived in today and only concentrated on what you did today? Like, today, I did a 5k. Not, crap, I still have a 1/2 marathon to train for, or when I'm thinner I'll do this faster. Do you do a journal? Maybe you could have checklists for what you want to accomplish that day. If you do 75%, you get to feel GREAT! I'm throwing this stuff out as I think of it and I'm thinking I might try that. I tend to belittle my baby stepping too.

No matter what...know that one person out here thinks your are inspiring and awesome!

Hey I commented on your blog. You have come so far, I am so proud of you. Cindy

Here's a quote I saw yesterday that I think really speaks to a lot of us here at t.com, trying to make real changes in our lives and in the way we think about ourselves. Let's face it, sometimes that isn't an easy process- not easy, but so worth it

"Often I have found that the one thing that can save is the thing which appears most to threaten ... one has to go down into what one most fears and in that process ... comes a saving flicker of light and energy that, even if it does not produce the courage of a hero, at any rate enables a trembling mortal to take one step further." Laurens Van der Post[

We just have to keep taking that "one step" and eventually we'll reach our destination - a new and improved us!

Gaye

The wise Roberta knows that this is actually opposite. The greatest journies can only be done one step at a time. Learning how to be present in the moments now feeling gratitude and acknowledging the gifts of today creates my future. Not from force or push just a lovely organic process of growth.

Listen to that wise Roberta, she is awesome! And she knows exactly how the organic, gentle, unfolding, inexorable process of growth moves, and that its food is awareness of just how good this very day is. Look for what is not wrong with the day, for every negative find the positive within it, and keep learning from it all... each day, you get closer to where you'll be. Listen to that wise Roberta, she is your inner guide.