okay...i'm in my 3rd week of transformation. i've been going to aerobics, eating the best I can (I need to plan my meals ahead of time to make it easier). i've started a blog on my profile, posted to some forums...but, i still don't feel connected here. i know all of you have your own lives and i shouldn't expect any of you to check in on me (thank you to the few that have) - I'm an adult, I should be able to handle it if i have loads of welcomes in the beginning and then now barely anything...i am completely ashamed that i'm even posting this but i have to get it out! I FEEL LEFT OUT! i see post after post and it's like everyone is such good friends with everyone else. (duh - i'm sure a lot of you have been talking for at least a year!) i'm not sure how to make friends...i have a complex from childhood when i was on a trip with my mom and she said she wouldn't go on another trip with JUST me because i talked to much. even now 23 years later, it hurts. so, now i don't talk....i don't know how to make friends, because i don't know what to say to people...and i continually question myself (yes, i did this with every single person who has responed to me.) "am i talking too much", "should I tell them about something i've experienced or should i just keep my mouth shut, it's not about ME, god why am i so selfish to think that they would actually want to hear about my experience!!!" and so on...
i have a hard time posting here, because i don't think i have much positive stuff to add...and others have already posted what i was going to say anyway...so why bother. (duh - how will anyone know me if i don't post?)

on the flip side (which is weird that i can feel like the above and then have a positive side to this), i''m very proud of what i'm doing - i've been working hard and i will continue to work hard and eat right. my hubby is very supportive, he's even started eating like me. the posts that i've read about others issues have helped me too. i guess thats the most important thing.

i'm just really bummed that i feel this way. i know t.com is where i need to be. i just know it!!!!! i know i shouldn't feel left out - i'm taking things way too personally and i'm being selfish. whatever...i just wanted to be honest and speak from the heart...i've read here that THAT is what is supposed to help with my transformation, so here is how i feel - lucky you!
i just think it's going to tick people off that i even posted this. sorry if it does. i don't mean to offend anyone that has reached out to me here. i guess i'm just having a pity party for myself this morning.

i need to learn that just because i don't feel connected here (yet, hopefully) that doesn't mean i can't give myself permission to feel proud of what i'm doing for myself.

blah......blah.....blah......sorry if this doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Hi Taterrito,
I actually feel the same way, but I figured that no one made friends with me becuase I havent' reached out to anyone yet. I've been on here since last November and I've been intermittently active on this site. After reading your post I know I need to reach out to my fellow t-friends more and so I'm startng with you today. Thanks for your post. If you like to talk alot that's OK, maybe you are a verbal person who needs to talk through the details of changes--and this is a very profound set of changes we are undergoing so talk away my friend! I look forward to seeing your progress.

thanks!!!! i agree...i know that i need reach out more to be successful at connecting - i just need to learn how to be more confident in talking to others.

this is a HUGE change for me...i've been sedintary for so long - it surprises me now when i can pick up my son without grunting or walk up the stairs and not be out of breath. i actually went outside yesterday, in the hot, muggy weather and helped gather wood for our bonfire...something i would never have done 3 weeks ago...me, sweat? not on your life!!! i'm used to that now! lol

gotta go draw with my little Benjamin - then it's off to make breakfast.

thanks again for your response. i'll keep in touch!

mel

Good morning Mel from Indiana and Jenny from Texas...

I does take some patience and time to find where you feel comfortable here. When I joined in July 08 I only had 1 person welcome me...and I thought that was cool that anybody did that at all. This place has grown so much since then. I thrived on just reading what everyone was doing...doing what I knew how to do to make this a successful challenge following Bills assignments and posting in my profile when I could and tried to say nice things to others blogs and forum chats...and over time...you make friends.

I don't know if either of you are in a group...I would love to have you join my small group...its called Susan's GPS for Family and Friends...I have 2 sister in laws there and one of their partners, , my brother, a couple of people I have chatted with over the years on another online fitness group and several good friends from Evansville...2 are my running buddies. 6 of the 11 of us are from Indiana...3 from California...1 in Georgia, 1 in Delawre/New York.

All of them are new to this site except for 2 that didn't officially complete a challenge so I am not sure they are comfortable chatting around the site yet. My good friend Jill has been super active and Sonia is also trying to be involved.....but the rest haven't been chatting or interacting much...we have a place called "On the Porch" within the group for just that.

We started June 1 with our challenge...so this is week 2...and talking about the exercise part of Bill's assignmnets.

I hope you will think about joining me and the few who are chatting right now...let me know if you are interested and I will send you a group invite. Others are welcome ...I just wanted a place for my family and friends to bond in one spot. I would love to get to know you two!!!! Susan

Thanks, Susan!

I went to h.s. with Leslie Groft who is now working on level 2 after an amazing transformation. She is the one who pointed me here and I am in her group. I would love to be in yours as well!

I appreciate your kindness.
Mel

Hi, Mel!

I have experienced much of what you are feeling too.

And then someone asked me what I was doing to connect with others.

So I will ask the same. What are you doing to connect with others?

I have heard of some having frustrations with groups, etc, but ultimately we only get out of something what we put in. When we rely on others to lift us up, we are then powerless.

On the flip, what we give, we receive. Everytime.

I am learning when I feeling down and alone the best way to turn that around is to give some love to someone else. Everytime I do that I get it back and then some!

Do you think that maybe some of what you are feeling could be "limiting beliefs" in disguise? Maybe you can explore that and come out stronger! I only say this because that is exactly what I did!

I hope you have a great day!

Hi Mel!!
I can say that I feel almost exactly the same. This transformation journey is a huge step outside of my comfort zone, I usually stay in the background, don't like attention, don't think I have much of value to say because someone has said exactly what I was thinking but articulated much better than I could. I too knew that I needed to be here. I need the support, the inspiration, and motivation and it never fails that I can come here and read something that is exactly what I needed at the time. I'm doing the assignments, posting on my blog, and commenting on forums and others blogs, just so I can keep connected and motivated. That's what I would suggest, just jump in, and don't hold anything back. Just knowing that we are here, doing this, is huge!! I've found that the people here are nice and very helpful and if you reach out, they will respond in kind!

I also know Leslie! Her transformation is nothing less than amazing!! She is one of the first people to reach out to me and invite me to a meet and greet. She totally rocks and so do you!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for reaching out.

Sharla

As you can see you are not alone. I tried my hardest at first to post on a lot of profiles and blogs and I didn't seem to get much in return. Same with forum posts. Some days I get frustrated, but others....I realize that is not the main reason why I am here. All I can suggest is to become part of a group and maybe pick out one or two members who may have the same sort of situation you are going through (family and all) and really work at being friends with them. Just an idea. Oh...and I used to be a Mel from Indiana....lived there for 12 years as a kid...been in Ohio the rest of the time.

Blessings,

Melanie

The best way I have found for feeling connected is do the connecting :-) Spend a bit of time on the website reaching out on the forums and encouraging others.....it really does help :-) Be the cheerleader when you need the cheerleader :-)

We love ya!

Mel, of all of the places you could reach out to people, this is the place to do it. When I first came here, I couldn't get enough of everybody. I needed the feedback and encouragement. I always had problems making friends out in the "real" world. My thoughts are like - "Am I talking too much?" "Do they think I'm weird?" "I am probably boring them." Blah, blah, blah. But here, you talk about the kinds of things that will change your life with people who are sincerely trying to help. Give it some time. Check out the profiles of people who are interesting to you, and leave them a note. Not everyone on the site is here every day, so if people don't respond right away, it may be that they just aren't around that often. And give yourself some time.

Robin

thank you all so much for your words of advice. I will do a better job at reaching out. Yes, I completely agree that this is a limiting belief of mine. I'm going to post this on Chris Winter's blog to get rid of it!

Thanks again. I appreciate all of you and this site so much...sorry if I was kind of a downer! I know I wont' be happy all the time - but its my choice how to handle it!

Blessings,
Mel

I want to encourage all of you to PLEASE speak out!!! I was a member of this community for 9 months or so before reaching out. I already had a large number of friends from another site here and still I found it difficult to break in. What I found was that once I put myself out there and introduced myself I was warmly welcomed and have more dear friends than ever before.

1) What I did that broke the ice for me was to post a thread in Transformation Central introducing myself. Not just why I am here but who I am, what I'm about and..........why I'm here.

This helped others to get to know me as well. Remember that we are not at all so different and many others probably would like to reach out to you but just as you do, they feel that they don't know what to say. By letting others know you...........you make it more comfortable for them to reach out.

2) AT ALL TIMES REMEMBER WHY YOU ARE REALLY HERE!!! If you find that your feelings are hurt when you don't receive the response you are looking for or that you come away from the site with an empty feeling of any sort.................I encourage you to do some soul searching and look at what it is you are REALLY looking to have the site fulfill. There may be a real and true need in your life for closer relationships or to have some one there to cheer you on or guide you reminding you that you can do it. Do not berate yourself if this is the case just find 1 or 2 people who have completed at least 1 challenge and pm them. Reach out to them and state directly what your need is and what you are looking for, ask them if this is a roll they could play in your transformation. You sometimes have to ask for what you want, on the Internet it can be difficult to pick these things up if someone doesn't specifically ask.

3) If you aren't in a group, get in one.

Someone stated above that it seems like people on the site are great friends already and this is a true statement. Keep in mind, all of us started right where you are now. For some of us these relationships go back years and years and include Cruises, Races, and all sorts of get togethers as well as on going friendships outside this site. JUMP IN!!! COME WITH US!!!!!!!!!!! It's the best way to REALLY get to know everyone in person and deepen that connection.

The Cruise, Denver and many meet ups are going on. If you can't get to Denver or on the Cruise...........I highly highly encourage you to either.......find a meet up near you or...................put one together yourself!!!

Hope that helps :-)))

~Tania~

Thanks, Tania.

I think I will introduce myself in one of the forums. I've been thinking about it, but procratination got the best of me!

I really would love to attend a get together - can't go to Denver or a cruise...maybe I'll try to put one together myself. I'll have to check my hoosier connections to see how many live close by. There was one in South Bend, but I couldn't get to it.

Thanks again for the support. I know I'm at the right place!

mel

Quote:

Originally Posted by taterrito thank you all so much for your words of advice. I will do a better job at reaching out. Yes, I completely agree that this is a limiting belief of mine. I'm going to post this on Chris Winter's blog to get rid of it! Thanks again. I appreciate all of you and this site so much...sorry if I was kind of a downer! I know I wont' be happy all the time - but its my choice how to handle it! Blessings, Mel

How do you think you are a "downer?"

Please know you are not!! IF, by some chance, this thread DID let someone down, that would not be YOUR responsibility. How others react to us is not our responsibility. It's true!!

You are a beautiful spirit and you are free to talk freely and move about this world.... there is no need to apologize for your existence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spankydean How do you think you are a "downer?" Please know you are not!! IF, by some chance, this thread DID let someone down, that would not be YOUR responsibility. How others react to us is not our responsibility. It's true!! You are a beautiful spirit and you are free to talk freely and move about this world.... there is no need to apologize for your existence.

huh...i never thought of it that way. I'm so used to apologizing for everything...that's it's become a habit to think their feelings are my fault. ugg...I am SO glad I'm here!

THANKS A TON FOR YOUR POST! That hit the nail on the head!

Mel

What a weight...that feeling is...to think other feelings are my responsibility....i really do feel better.

i'm smiling.... hurray!!!!!

i really mean this - thank you to ALL of you for your thoughts...they are such a blessing!

Taterrito,
Don't be upset for feeling the way you do, I think as the above posts reflect many of us have felt that way at one time or another. It can be a little clicky at times but I think everything in life is too some degree. Clicky may not be the best word to describe it. People just eventually align with certain individuals after some time, and like it has been stated above it usually results after being on offence.
For many this community is best used as place to vent such as you did and to have what I call a public journal/diary. Where when you are feeling down you can post to everyone and have them help lift you up, or when you want to share a great acomplishment or hurdle you can also share, all the time knowing you are encouraging others as well as yourself!
I will plug Chris Winters Apprenticeship groups and tell you that I joined one recently and they are really good and I would recommend seeking his or a similier group out, they are well worth it.
I can also confirm that eiter way it does feel good to get welcomes and friend requests etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by taterrito huh...i never thought of it that way. I'm so used to apologizing for everything...that's it's become a habit to think their feelings are my fault. ugg...I am SO glad I'm here! THANKS A TON FOR YOUR POST! That hit the nail on the head! Mel

We are A LOT alike in that respect.

I don't claim to know anything, I have just been given really good advise.

Every post here is beautiful, heartfelt and true. And YES, you have ALL said it better than I ever could! I am just so happy to be here also, so proud of everyone and so honored to know you all.
Chris

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!

Thanks a million!