now: my heart is breaking for ill family members, and I've been plunged into the caregiver's role involving 2 generations. It's a complete paradigm shift--my world has by necessity revolved around crushing family obligations. I haven't lost sight of the need to take care of myself, but doing so means I must ask for support or I'll be of little use to anyone when this is painful season is "over". There are gifts in suffering, and one of them is to see just how insignificant some things actually are in the greater scheme of things. I see that it really IS about the other person when confronted with "out there" things, and it is refreshing to not be as affected by the things that should have been further down the list all along. Keeping our own side of the street clear (albeit imperfectly) and doing our own "housecleaning" is a necessity for me as I tend to the needs of others to a degree I could never have predicted 6 months ago.
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last season I wrote: grateful. changing. imperfect but energized. getting clarity. experiencing deeper connections here & elsewhere, reminding me we are not alone in all of this, this business of being human & living in a broken world. I'm sharing what I'm learning, & keeping my old "Who I am" as a reminder & comparison, to encourage you while reminding me to keep moving forward. As Bill says, an AVALANCHE of old habits, thought patterns is waiting for us. By the grace of God & all of you I'm offered a reprieve from the desire to be back there, a day at a time.

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Prodigal House on Long Island, NY,

living in the moment neither bound by the chains of the past, nor mired in anxiety about the future. This can mean being able to laugh, enjoy life again--noticing, appreciating small things in others & the beauty of the world around us. It can mean healing tears to acknowledge sadness about things that cannot be changed, being "unstuck" enough to feel things, process them, and practice radical acceptance. Living in the moment is a mindful state, not being afraid to feel, care, grow, challenge ourselves. It also means DOING A HALF MARATHON AND HAVING A GOOD TIME!!!!

I still believe the "old" answer, below, but have begun to see the fun side of transformation as well as the work. It's like turning a ship around--the change is not all fast or radical, but the incremental shifts in perspective,
habits, are greater than the sum of their parts.


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to be a calm, loving, inspiring presence in my family & the world around me, while recapturing the exuberance & joy I was born with.

I would also like to help more people who need what I have to give them in addition to those I'm encouraging, educating informally. Everything we've experienced can help others, & there are those whose growth depends on others being transparent and humble enough to pass on the encouragement and exhortation we have benefited from. You have a purpose, and our creator does not waste the pain you have experienced; rather, it can be redeemed to help others in a way no one else could.

I will do the half marathon in Denver by mostly running it. I will shave at least 30 minutes off my Dallas time. I will complete the "couch to 5k" program & Bill's suggested training. The rooms in my home will be de-cluttered as I feel less of a need to hang on to so many papers, books, clothes, & children's things. There will be a place in my home & heart for things that matter, and the things that hinder will continue their slow fade. I will maintain a size 8 or 10 in all of my clothes, not just the expensive or lycra-filled ones! I will continue doing the level of workouts my body is capable of most days of the week, and continue to derive enjoyment from the process as well as the results.


****************************old answer
get clear, then be able to set some. for now--to not be afraid to cry.
and to not make others cry, as I have in the past.

to be who I was made to be, to help those I am meant to help, and to be an instrument of peace. I also believe that the sometimes unusual mix of attributes we all have are meant to serve a purpose, a plan which can be fulfilled if we are seeking, honest, and humble. I've taken a comedy class, & was a publicist; now a musician & teacher. It is interesting to see how our gifts can be combined and used to further a larger purpose. We needn't wait until we think we're closer to being "done". What about in your life?

*middle aged women who assume that "using weights will bulk up my muscles!", or that the work of getting in shape is physical, that the end result is the body.....then they are crushed when the weight is gained back and their lives have not changed.

*uber-educated, cynical, harried urbanites who might assume this is all too quaint, all these nice folks from the west coast, Colorado, and Texas who have a lot of time on their hands and are getting all cozy doing something that they think a big city person does not have the time for. Only a handful of us, just a few, are from NYC, for example. This should change!

* The church at large, often suspicious of things that sound too new-agey, and sometimes unwilling to look squarely in the face of the rampant food addiction amidst those who wouldn't be caught dead thinking they were an addict of any kind. I would like to help those in the church see the vast numbers of us who are able to integrate our beliefs with what we are doing here; that they are not at odds with each other.

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anyone who feels broken, terminally unique, perhaps in unusually mind-boggling circumstances--