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Would you pay for IT with your life? Yet I do...
Embarrassment, Shame, Fear, rejection low level thoughts. Wow. I have been swimming in my mind of emotions, and it has been taking me where I did not want to go. Recently on my facebook feed this post caught my eye.
"In a disordered mind, as in a disordered body, soundness of health is impossible." Cicero
Wow. Impact moment for me. It dawned upon me. Recently I have been going through the physical motions, however I have not been mentally engaged and committed. Why? I asked. It took about a nanosecond for me to come up with this answer. "I am embarrassed" I am not where I think I should be physically. So rather than do something about, learn about this situation, and change it. I sufferred the Lowest level habit in my head, shame, embarassment and disappointment.
This comes back to accepting myself for who I am now. For loving myself to where I want to be. To committing to me and getting clear on why I want to change my life forever.
"I discovered early that the hardest thing to overcome is not a physical disability but the mental condition which it induces. The world, I found, has a way of taking a man pretty much at his own rating. If he permits his loss to make him embarrassed and apologetic, he will draw embarrassment from others. But if he gains his own respect, the respect of those around him comes easily." ~Alexander de Seversky
This last quote summed it up for me.
Why I am paying for the way that I live with my life? Would you pay for it with you life?
I am here. I am still here. However I am showing up now. I am engaging fully into working the mind and the inner being on this journey. When I read that quote from Cicero , "In a disordered mind, as in a disordered body, soundness of health is impossible.". It hit me like a ton of bricks. POW! BANG!
I get it. Bill Phillips has put together the curriculum to help me bring order to my mind, and I have been to PROUD to actually follow the assignments. Okay, research done. I have created a steady state sample of what exercise along can do for me. I am now engaged fully. Today I march forward creating the future I have dreamed about, however today I have the courage to be a student and follower to learn.
Last nite, my 8 year old looked at me, and said "Dad you still have to much fatness. I don't think that is healthy". I looked at him, and said, "Thanks son I needed to hear that". Then I went out and moped around and lost myself. I haven't lost myself like this for a long time. I started feeling embarrassed, sad, lonely and rejected. Mainly rejected by myself. So in reflection I have seen the light that there is still some great work to be done on my innerworld to take me to where I will go.
Thank you for being here and for accepting me as I am, for who I am, and allowing me to become the man I am becoming.
In light and love,
JeffSBrodie Jeff
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Thanks for thi s post Jeff. It is actually inspiring because you are sharing such personal feelings yet many of us feel the same way at times. In wanting to encourage and be motivating to you, I wonder why I am not making it possible for myself if I am going to tell you it is possible for you. So even at your lowest moments, you continue to inspire and motivate others and in turn the energy will come back to you my friend. Keep in there! I have met the warmth of your heart and that is what matters most! You ARE making the right changes and each step in the right direction will eventually get you to where you want to be. Love, hugs and :)smiles~Heather
hey jeff, i do have those feelings of embarrassment and feeling i'm not where i should be. so it's taking me longer than some. . . but i will tell you i love you and accept you for who you are, and i always will . . . . no matter what that means or who you become. Love always Marathon Jane
Jeff - I also have those feelings - and I know you have done a lot more to improve your life than I have so far (I'm still concerned about crossing the finish line walking - you've done that and are working towards running) Don't underestimate your accomplishments! Margaret
Jeff- Just so you know I struggle also with some of the same issues. We live our lives going down paths that always aren't in our best interest physically. Yes most of the time it is mental. I am sure you know how to work out. You know how you should eat. But the mind sometimes gets lazy and BAM. I am refocusing my attention to the small details, keeping informed and hopefully things will fall into place for me also.
Love and light.....I share the "fatness" with you my friend, but as I wrote in my recent blog....that ended "NOW".....and "NOW"....and "NOW....Moment to moment we all struggle, but I know YOU know you have the power to be persistent......Thanks for being open about it Jeff, by stating it, you have overcome it! ~ Pete
Thanks for this post! I especially like the quote: "I discovered early that the hardest thing to overcome is not a physical disability but the mental condition which it induces. The world, I found, has a way of taking a man pretty much at his own rating." How true!!! And, for what it's worth, my 10-yr. old told me that the way she would keep from laughing at my before picture was to stuff a whole raw potato in her mouth! Kids, gotta love their perspective. It's hard to see how much they help us, when they say things like that. But it is clear, they love us, don't they? I believe in you! ~ Kimberly
Jeff, thanks for your comment on my blog. You have some strong insight to share.....I appreciate you as you are now. It is hard sometimes to focus on the progress, not the long way yet to go....As my trainer said "When was the last time you weighed less than 170 for any length of time?" (it was in 1981, by the way). I need to lose a lot more fat, but I have come a long way...you have too!
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