Bill Phillip's | Transformation

Damaged Goods or Damaged Thinking?

I have spent my entire life feeling like and thinking I was damaged goods....until last week.  I wanted to share the revelation I had as I think this is a common thread among survivors of sexual abuse.  

I have always believed that I am damaged goods.  I don't know any other way to put it as the phrase "damaged goods" is the most accurate description I can think of.   I will try my best to put this into words, but it is very difficult to find the words to describe exactly how I feel and why.  I guess, I have always felt broken and have known that what was taken from me is gone forever and I can't get it back.  In other words, I can't be fixed.  I thought the healthy way to deal with this is acceptance.

Many times I have become frustrated with well intentioned people who try to argue this point.  Especially people who have no personal experience with sexual abuse.  I have heard comments on TV, from family members, pastors and others that would argue the point and say, "You are not damaged goods."  My reply was, "Yes, I am.  You cannot give me back my virginity.  You can't give me back my first sexual experience.  You can't give me back my right to choose my first sex partner and experience.  You can't give me back the years of pain.  You can't take away the memories.  You can't fix it.  What happened is in the past and the only way for me to deal with it is by accepting what is reality.  The reality is I am damaged goods.  What happened to me is part of me....no one will ever know who I would have been or what my life would have been like had it not happened. "  I understand that these people want to help me and they wanted me to see myself differently, they wanted to take that pain away however; in my mind, they were not accepting me or understanding me.  I let go of the bitterness and anger toward my abuser a long time ago, and when I say I am "damaged goods" it is not with a bitter voice, but more of a "matter of fact" tone. 

I've been spending quiet time in the mornings studying the Bible and recently so many things have been becoming clear to me.  God truly does work in mysterious ways.  About a week ago I started seeing myself differently.  I realized that God has a plan for all of us long before we are born.  I believe that with all my heart.  If this is true, than my God-given destiny cannot be changed by anything that happens to me.  If my destiny is predetermined, my destiny still remains the same! 

I believe that we are all born with God-given talents and the potential to become great and fulfill our God-given destiny.  Being a victim of any circumstance does not change what I was already born with.  It is still there waiting for me to use it.  I have the same potential I did the day I was born.  I still have the same destiny.  If that remains unchanged, than I am not, nor can I be considered damaged goods.  To believe that I am damaged goods, would contradict everything else I believe in.

If you have ever felt like damaged goods, I hope my words will make sense to you.  I have a hard time verbalizing what I have been feeling, but I do think it is important for me to share this information.  It doesn't matter what our circumstances are or what misfortunes we have suffered.  We are all put here for a specific purpose.  We are all born with the potential to find and fulfill our God-given destiny.