Alive and Thriving!!!!
For the first time in my 46 years of life, I can honestly say with true conviction that I am HAPPY To Be ALIVE!!!
Each new day brings a newfound promise of Love, Hope, Happiness, Truth, Passion, Compassion, Belief, Dreams and Forgiveness.
How I greet each new day is held within the empowerment of my own choices and perceptions.
I choose now to see the beauty in all things both great and small
Sadly enough, my thoughts were not always this positive.
Like so many others who arrive here I was mentally crippled, emotionally desperate and physically broken.
I was literally flat lined when I arrived here on June 3, 2009.
I will forever remember this date as the day my lower-self died.
It will forever be remembered also as the date in which I was offered a life-line.
A loving hand
was outstretched to me on this day - a hand that pulled me in from out of the dark, the dreary and the depressive cold that I had been living in for so long.
June 3, 2009 also benchmarks the
day I was re-born.
I was re-born into this amazing community full of compassionate, caring, loving and unconditional friends and mentors.
Forever, it will be fondly remembered as the day in which I was introduced to my true, higher and authentic self.
I do not profess to be perfect as goodness knows, I still have moments when I feel like the slightest gust of wind will blow me over.
However, I always revert back to my memories of the Old Me - the me who was a mere shadow of who I am now.
It is during these trips down memory lane that I am remembered of how far I have come on my journey.

When I finally allowed myself the opportunity to dream, this is when pure magic started happening.
Somewhere along my journey through my first 18 weeks, I started to actually believe that I could DO, BE or ACHIEVE anything I set my intentions on.
With help from a very special mentor (Leslie Groft) I set personal goals for myself.
I kept my focus sharp as I visualized what the other side of 18 weeks would look like, feel like, smell like, sound like and taste like.
My senses were acute as I kept mindful attention each day as to where I was in comparison to where I wanted to be.
Ahhhhhhhhh....the words allude me to describe what it actually felt like to cross that first 18 week mark.
I knew without doubt that I would forever be a Transformer.
In the year and a half that I have been a member of this amazing community, I have lost 84 pound of weight.
I do not say this to brag rather, I say it in the hopes that it may spark of glimmer of hope in someone else.

I was inclined to think that the extra fat that hung on my body was a protective device needed to shield the hurts and pains of my injured heart and damaged spirit.
I had no way of knowing until I started working through the assignments that the opposite of what I had always thought, was actually true.
It was really the suppression of my heart and soul's desires that kept all that extra fat and weight hugged firmly to my body for so many years and decades.
The truth escaped me......I honestly didn't know the truth therefore my attempts to lose weight and keep it off were always in vain.

As soon as I started applying some tender mercies to my wounded heart and soul, the weight started falling off.
I am now at my goal weight and have never felt better in my life.
Not just physically - holistically as well.

Please trust me when I say - If I can do this.....anyone can!!!!

There is absolutely nothing uniquely special about me that separates me from anyone else.

I just dared to dream............

The S.P.C.A. (Animal Shelter)

Telling My Personal Truth at all times!
I solemnly vowed to myself when I set out on my journey that I would always be honest - no matter how hard or what the consequences.
This has proven to be the very best sound advice I have ever given myself.

At first, I was conscious of how people would react to me if I revealed my hidden secrets.
Especially my truths regarding my gambling addiction and lack of education.
Truth is, I'm no longer concerned with how people perceive me as I know that I don't have any control over how anyone thinks, anyways.
To worry about outside judgment is futile.
The only judgement I fear now is that of my Creator.
There is a higher judge who watches over me continually and who will one day judge me correctly by the thoughts and actions I have put forth while here on earth.
I believe in Karma - There is so much to be said in that phrase "Do Unto Others, As You Would Have Them Do Unto You"
Now these are words from which I truly do try to live my life by.
It does neither myself nor anyone around me any good if I go about my daily business in a state of dishonesty, deceitfulness, cunningness or in a manipulative manner.
I am the first to admit that I have lived a good portion of my life behaving in such a poor manner and fashion, it's shameful.
I'm not proud to admit this but to not say anything at all would be like a ominous, silent lie.
For decades I had zero regard for my life and/or actions.
I was selfish in my thinking, of my time and of my resources.
The disrespect for my life and the lives of those whom I love the most brought nothing but grief and heartache.
No good came of any of it.
My only reprieve from the darkness came by way of prayer.
After one agonizing and humiliating experience, I dropped to my knees in desperation, begging and pleading for help.
I prayed that if I were helped.....I would turn my life over to God and do His work without any question or hesitation.
I know God is not into bartering with any of us but at the same time, I know he hears all prayers and answers.
The fact that I am here, writing out the words on this forum, is all the proof I need to know that my sincere and heartfelt prayers were heard and answered

2011:
Physically:
* I WILL work out six times each week - Lame excuses for missing scheduled workouts no longer allowed!
* I WILL eat six, clean balanced meals each day - Six days per week!
* I WILL overcome my reliance on sleeping pills. I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!! I will allow my body to adjust to its natural bio-rythms once again. Forcing myself to sleep with prescribed medication will cease as of December 31, 2010. The Year 2011 will be the year that I learn to fall asleep naturally, all over again!
Mentally - I am at odds with my professional career.
I know through prayer and well thought intentions that 2011 will be the year that God allows me the opportunity to do what I do best.
Until then, I appreciate the fact that I do have an opportunity to work at a job that supports my family; especially during this harsh recession
Emotionally - I will allow myself to Feel Everything.
There is no such thing as a 'bad day' anymore.
I graciously take the good along with the bad.
My view is that the occasional "off day" is needed as they provide the necessary contrast which prove to make good days Great!
Spiritually - I talk to God constantly.
He's my manager as I do not make a move anymore without confiding in Him first.
There is so much that I don't know yet but yearn to.
'When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Will Appear'.
I take this phrase to heart as I know it is the truth.
When I'm ready - the answers to my questions will come.
Until then, I'll just keep chatting away.....I know God's listening!

To keep my dream alive of realizing the BEST ME I can be.
Nah, there is no narcissism being implied with this statement - just a good, healthy dose of self encouragement and self love.
I have lived on both sides of 18 weeks and know without a shadow of a doubt that I will forever be a Transformer.
There may very well come a time when I am pulled away from the community and I trust that when or if this time comes, I will be okay.
I can be removed from Transformation however, there is absolutely no way that Transformation can ever be removed from me.
I live the principles every day of my life.
To not do so would be robbing myself, my family, my community, my nation and the world at large.
The light that shines bright from one vibrant soul can be felt around the globe.
Ahhh...I am a little light that shines and perhaps someday I will illuminate a path so bright, others will follow my light and find their way out of the darkness.
I love this thought!